Valued? Valued.

It has been 10 months since I first started writing this blog and this morning as I woke quite early I began to think about the journey of these 10 months.  It certainly has been a transitional time for me in my life and a time of great growth for me as well.  A group in the Detroit area has put out this campaign of "2wordstories"  The stories speak of a changing life and that change being brought around by God.  So this morning I was going through and watching the "stories" and deciding what my story was.  What was the word that struck the chords within my heart and then I happened upon, "Valued? Valued."  This man's story is a bit different from mine.  I didn't change schools frequently and I didn't have multiple sex partners, but I certainly was searching for value in all the wrong places.  My weight, my attitude, my insecurities...all of them had to do with struggling to see my own personal value.

You see for many years now in my prayer time and time spent with my spiritual director and prayer groups when we would pray the Lord would give this vision of the gem.  The Lord had to form it, wash it, and polish it over the years, but recently the vision was of a brilliant gem shining in all of it's glory.  This vision grew with me as I grew with the Lord.  I realize that for the first time in my life I have value.  Not because I have begun dating someone or because I have lost almost 50 pounds.  No, my value comes from knowing that I am a daughter of the Most High God and He has created me with value and worth.  Accepting that has allowed me to realize that I am valuable.  Not in the selfish or self centered sense, but in the sense that I am comfortable with being who God has called me to be and I don't have to try to be someone or something else.  My value comes from God.

Now I would be remiss if I didn't mention the fact that getting a gem ready for sale isn't a grueling process.  It's painful to be sanded, have dirt removed, and the be shined up, but God has sent me some of the most wonderful people to help me get through the process.  So many friends and family, my late spiritual director, Diana, various clergy members, and many books have aided me along this journey. 

So this morning I am reflecting on my value.  I realize full heartedly that I am a child of God and even though the road isn't always easy, and my brilliancy still gets smudged and dirty with my human imperfections, I can rest assured knowing that I am His creation and He loves me just the way I am.  I pray today that you know not only your value, but encourage you to think about your "story."  God has a plan for all of us, may you know His love and peace today.

Unanswered Prayers

One of my favorite country songs is sung by the artist Garth Brooks.  The song came out in the 90's while I was in high school and yet it remains an old favorite of mine to this day.  The song is "Unanswered Prayers" and the lyrics to the chorus go like this:

Sometimes I thank God, for unanswered prayers
Remember when you’re talkin’ to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn’t answer doesn’t mean he don’t care
Some of God’s greatest gifts, are unanswered prayers.

Lately, the chorus of this song keeps playing over and over in my head.  A lot of good has been happening in my life lately, and I am able to see God's hand writing all over it, but it makes me realize that sometimes my prayer requests are so narrow and self centered and that God has something so much better than I can imagine.    Sometimes I box the God of the Universe in by telling Him what I need and how exactly I think that should unfold.  My only redeeming quality about these prayers is that after I would kick and scream, whine and complain, present my plans in vivid detail, I would usually stop and say, "Lord, but Your will be done. I really like so and so, but bring me the man you want me to be with.  I really want to do things differently, but let Your will be done for my life."    And that has made all the difference in the end. 

You see the funny thing is, there was a man out there praying a very similar prayer. Praying for the Lord's will to be done in his life and that if he was called to marriage that God would bring her into his life.  After seven months of "getting to know" one another, God finally decided that it was time and brought the two of us together after the Easter Vigil Mass this year.  Exactly one month later, today, we are still figuring out all of the ins and outs of dating and we are having all of our firsts: meeting each others parents, meeting friends, praying together, shopping together, finding out what foods we both like and both detest.  We feel God's hand moving and defining our relationship and life as we know it in the present is very good!

But that isn't the focus of this blog. The focus, as it probably should be, is God and His plans.   The two of us (my boyfriend and I that is) have had many conversations in the last month on just how amazed we are to watch God's plan unfold before our very eyes.  Although we realize that our relationship is still new and we have a lot to learn about one another and where God is leading us as a couple, we both are seeing the fruit of waiting on the Lord and allowing His plan to unfold in our lives.  God hit this one out of the ballpark and not only answered our feeble prayers, but answered with something (or perhaps the word is someone) that is truly the answer to the prayers of our heart.  We are both reminded that God is so much wiser and knows best what we need. 

And so all my readers, I guess this is my two cents for today.  Let God be God.  He is so much wiser than we can hope to be.  He sees the greater picture when we can only see a small piece of the puzzle.