The Difference a Year Makes

A year ago yesterday I wrote my first entry on this blog.  (Click here to read it.) I am absolutely flabbergasted by the difference in my life in one year.   I had just read the book "The Thrill of the Chaste" by Dawn Eden, in which I have mentioned several times before as the book that began my journey of transformation this past year,  and suddenly I had a whole new perspective on life.  It was as if my muddy shaded glasses fell off and suddenly I realized that there was this whole world out there for me to be a part of, single or otherwise, and I was missing it because frankly I was obsessed with getting married.  I had no idea at the time that my life as I knew it would suddenly never be the same!!

In the past 365 days I have accomplished the following: I lost 50 pounds on Weight Watchers and although my weight continues to be a struggle I have to fight day in and out, I am healthier today than I ever can remember.  On that same note, I got my first gym membership and ran my first 5K.  Losing weight and getting active has changed me obviously physically...I finally get to shop in the "normal" size department and don't have to limit myself to the plus size assortments.  Just a few weeks ago I also hiked from the lower Tahquamenon Falls to the Upper falls...covering roughly 5+ miles of rough terrain and umpteen steps.  It was a great accomplishment again for me both physically and mentally. 

Besides experiencing the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, Indiana, and Florida this past year, I also began to prepare for another really important journey.  In just a few weeks I will be heading to both Rome, Italy and Madrid, Spain to experience a trip of a lifetime!  It took lots of hard work, fundraising, extra work, and a few tears to get me on this trip, but I am finally days away from experiencing Europe once again and seeing the Pope for the first time! 

I finally decided to conquer (or begin conquering I should say...) another mountain in my life...cleaning and organizing! In February, a good friend of mine came over and just as I was shedding pounds on my body it was also time to shed the stuff that cluttered my life.  I began to get rid of clothes, books, decorations, and much, much more.  I am definitely still a work in progress in this department, but I realized that I was worth having a nice house.  I realized that I was a much happier person when my surroundings were in order.  And so I decided not to accept my messy tendencies and decided to face my issues head on.  I love my simplified surroundings and the peace it brings me when my house and especially my bedroom are in order.

I finally began to become the person I always wanted to be. I learned to love myself and accept myself for who I am.  It wasn't easy and I learned a whole lot about who I am and what is great about myself and what maybe isn't so great.  And finally I learned that I was capable of being loved for me.  Loved not because I was a size 2, said the right things, did the right things, and had the right clothes, but rather I was capable of being loved "just the way I am." (Thank you Bruno Mars)



And it finally happened....

Holy Saturday of this year, I went on the long awaited, highly anticipated first date in what seemed like an eternity.  The entire story will have to come at another time, but for now I will say that a man's path, travelling on a path very similar to mine and practically within reach of me for many years, finally crossed my path and 3 months later we find ourselves very happy and dreaming of a future together.  We both had been praying and allowing God to transform us for many years and suddenly it seemed that our time of waiting was finally over.  For the first time in my life I feel the love and acceptance I have desired for years from a wonderful man named Tom.   Tom has been the answer to my prayers in so many more ways than I ever dreamed imaginable.  He has shown me the beauty to my soul and what true love means.  He is the quiet and calm counterpart to my wild and frenzied personality.  He makes me laugh and makes me feel safe and cared for.  He makes my life something wonderful and great!!  He truly is the answer to my deepest prayers.

But Tom couldn't have been a part of my life unless I first began this journey of learning to love myself and allow the Lord to mold me and make me into the woman I was destined to become.  I wasn't ready to love and be loved a year ago, and I realize now that I am finally there.  I have so much more to learn, and change, and grow into, but for now I am glad to experience this mutual love and relationship. 

And so it is with a glad heart that I write this blog one year later.  It has been a remarkable year full of surprises, achievements, and love from so many different levels.  I can't wait to see where the next year takes me...

Stay posted....<3

Valued? Valued.

It has been 10 months since I first started writing this blog and this morning as I woke quite early I began to think about the journey of these 10 months.  It certainly has been a transitional time for me in my life and a time of great growth for me as well.  A group in the Detroit area has put out this campaign of "2wordstories"  The stories speak of a changing life and that change being brought around by God.  So this morning I was going through and watching the "stories" and deciding what my story was.  What was the word that struck the chords within my heart and then I happened upon, "Valued? Valued."  This man's story is a bit different from mine.  I didn't change schools frequently and I didn't have multiple sex partners, but I certainly was searching for value in all the wrong places.  My weight, my attitude, my insecurities...all of them had to do with struggling to see my own personal value.

You see for many years now in my prayer time and time spent with my spiritual director and prayer groups when we would pray the Lord would give this vision of the gem.  The Lord had to form it, wash it, and polish it over the years, but recently the vision was of a brilliant gem shining in all of it's glory.  This vision grew with me as I grew with the Lord.  I realize that for the first time in my life I have value.  Not because I have begun dating someone or because I have lost almost 50 pounds.  No, my value comes from knowing that I am a daughter of the Most High God and He has created me with value and worth.  Accepting that has allowed me to realize that I am valuable.  Not in the selfish or self centered sense, but in the sense that I am comfortable with being who God has called me to be and I don't have to try to be someone or something else.  My value comes from God.

Now I would be remiss if I didn't mention the fact that getting a gem ready for sale isn't a grueling process.  It's painful to be sanded, have dirt removed, and the be shined up, but God has sent me some of the most wonderful people to help me get through the process.  So many friends and family, my late spiritual director, Diana, various clergy members, and many books have aided me along this journey. 

So this morning I am reflecting on my value.  I realize full heartedly that I am a child of God and even though the road isn't always easy, and my brilliancy still gets smudged and dirty with my human imperfections, I can rest assured knowing that I am His creation and He loves me just the way I am.  I pray today that you know not only your value, but encourage you to think about your "story."  God has a plan for all of us, may you know His love and peace today.

Unanswered Prayers

One of my favorite country songs is sung by the artist Garth Brooks.  The song came out in the 90's while I was in high school and yet it remains an old favorite of mine to this day.  The song is "Unanswered Prayers" and the lyrics to the chorus go like this:

Sometimes I thank God, for unanswered prayers
Remember when you’re talkin’ to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn’t answer doesn’t mean he don’t care
Some of God’s greatest gifts, are unanswered prayers.

Lately, the chorus of this song keeps playing over and over in my head.  A lot of good has been happening in my life lately, and I am able to see God's hand writing all over it, but it makes me realize that sometimes my prayer requests are so narrow and self centered and that God has something so much better than I can imagine.    Sometimes I box the God of the Universe in by telling Him what I need and how exactly I think that should unfold.  My only redeeming quality about these prayers is that after I would kick and scream, whine and complain, present my plans in vivid detail, I would usually stop and say, "Lord, but Your will be done. I really like so and so, but bring me the man you want me to be with.  I really want to do things differently, but let Your will be done for my life."    And that has made all the difference in the end. 

You see the funny thing is, there was a man out there praying a very similar prayer. Praying for the Lord's will to be done in his life and that if he was called to marriage that God would bring her into his life.  After seven months of "getting to know" one another, God finally decided that it was time and brought the two of us together after the Easter Vigil Mass this year.  Exactly one month later, today, we are still figuring out all of the ins and outs of dating and we are having all of our firsts: meeting each others parents, meeting friends, praying together, shopping together, finding out what foods we both like and both detest.  We feel God's hand moving and defining our relationship and life as we know it in the present is very good!

But that isn't the focus of this blog. The focus, as it probably should be, is God and His plans.   The two of us (my boyfriend and I that is) have had many conversations in the last month on just how amazed we are to watch God's plan unfold before our very eyes.  Although we realize that our relationship is still new and we have a lot to learn about one another and where God is leading us as a couple, we both are seeing the fruit of waiting on the Lord and allowing His plan to unfold in our lives.  God hit this one out of the ballpark and not only answered our feeble prayers, but answered with something (or perhaps the word is someone) that is truly the answer to the prayers of our heart.  We are both reminded that God is so much wiser and knows best what we need. 

And so all my readers, I guess this is my two cents for today.  Let God be God.  He is so much wiser than we can hope to be.  He sees the greater picture when we can only see a small piece of the puzzle.

"Come, Have Breakfast"

The invitation to have breakfast. A simple and kind gesture, and yet so profound as a friend of mine recently pointed out.  What makes this little statement so profound you see is because the person making the request is the King of Kings Himself.  The full test goes like this:

¹¹ So Simon Peter climbed back into the boat and dragged the net ashore. It was full of large fish, 153, but even with so many the net was not torn. ¹² Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.” None of the disciples dared ask him, “Who are you?” They knew it was the Lord. (from John 21)

As my friend pointed this part of scripture out to me last night after we left Mass, I realized that it really is a profound statement of the our Lord.  Here the King of Kings had just died on the cross for our sins and resurrected on the 3rd day, and yet He still is concerned with the little things.  Certainly breakfast is one of the 3 meals a day we each have (or at least we should...it is the most important meal of the day)  Jesus's apostles were kind of feeling a little lost at this point, their leader is basically gone from them, expect for appearing to them here and there, and they are not sure where the path is leading them to, so they return to what they know.  They go fishing.  (Unsuccessfully, I might note.)  But then Christ appears and not only does He guide them to catching a huge batch of fish from the sea, he makes sure they are also fed.  He again serves them and provides for all of their needs.

This just made me think of the character of Christ.  He's got it all figured out for each of us...from the really big things to the tiny minute details.  He has a plan for you and for me and that plan is going to unfold at exactly the perfect time.  This week I have become keenly aware of just that.  Just when I thought that God had forgotten about me here on Earth, He sweeps in at the perfect moment and shows me that not only has He not forgotten me, but He has something totally awesome on the horizon.   I realize fully that life is not about luck or coincidences or about what our horoscopes predict, but rather God's hand writing the perfect story of each of us.  He writes this beautiful story so that all of the pieces of the puzzle come together at just the right time and fit perfectly together.  It's like a beautiful poem or a sweet love song that flows with beauty and grace. 

And so this morning, I challenge you to hear the God of the universe inviting you to breakfast with Him.  Be reminded of His love for you and assured that despite appearances, He's got everything under control, and the sooner you let go and allow Him to be the author of your life, the sooner you will begin to see the Masterpiece of the Author's plan unfold....

thirty-two

Yesterday was another milestone in my life....another year had passed and suddenly I found myself at the golden year of 32.  I allowed myself some time yesterday to think about this past year.  When I turned 31, I was not in a good spot in my life.  I was unhappy with myself on so many levels and I wasn't excited to celebrate nor be 31.  But as I began this blog almost 9 months ago I am amazed at the transformation that has occurred in this past year.  As 32 approached I realized that I wasn't dreading it nearly the same way I was 31.  Then today I got a card from my oldest and dearest friend Ashley and the cover went on to say this, " Funny thing about joy, is that you only really find it when you are too busy having fun to go looking for it."  And I realized, just as my dear friend did, that this is just what happened to me! 

Throughout this transforming year I learned not only to have fun, but to love myself and the joy that I have been seeking for years finally came to be.  It kind of snuck up on me!  Now there have been bad days and there have been moments of pity, but for the first time in my life I have true joy in my life. 



So last night as I was finishing up a fabulous birthday dinner with the finest of company I was reminded that God isn't through with His blessings!  I left the restaurant with a smile on my face and joy in my heart.  I was able to reminisce about all that the Lord has done in my life and I think this is just the tip of the iceberg.  My decision to choose to love myself, accept God's will for my life, and to make a few changes here and there has made all the difference.  The scripture verse on this site from the beginning has been John 10:10 "I came that you may have life and have it abundantly"  I think I have finally began to experience that abundant life that God has for me! 

And well folks...Life is good today! :)

The Love of a Friend

One of my favorite stories in the Bible is about the friendship between King David and Jonathon.  When Jonathon spares David's life from his father Saul's snare they share a brief and honest moment of deep friendship in 1 Samuel 20: 40 (The Message):

Jonathan gave his quiver and bow to the boy and sent him back to town. After the servant was gone, David got up from his hiding place beside the boulder, then fell on his face to the ground—three times prostrating himself! And then they kissed one another and wept, friend over friend, David weeping especially hard.  Jonathan said, "Go in peace! The two of us have vowed friendship in God's name, saying, 'God will be the bond between me and you, and between my children and your children forever!'"

I love this passage because it shows true friendship.  Sometimes the friends in our lives are often as close, or closer, than our own families.  I can think of so many good friends that I have shared moments like this with and how important my friends are.  Lately though, I have been keenly aware of friends of mine who truly live out this type of love and friendship.  I have a few friends, both male and female, who stir up the same emotion in me that was stirred up in both Jonathon and David.  These friends encourage me in my struggles, validate me in my triumphs, and call me out when I need it too!  They give honest, loving advice, listen to what I have to say, and help me to see the real me in so many ways.  And hopefully, I reciprocate that friendship in return.

You see, I think the story of Jonathon and David is included in the Bible to highlight the importance of friendship.  I think it's an honest look at fierce, deep friendship.  We also see that friendship between Jesus and Lazarus when he weeps when his friend dies.  These relationships are real and so, so important!  We need at least a good friend or two in our lives.  I call myself blessed to say that I have several friends that fit the bill.  

As a single person, these relationships are even more important.  When battling the loneliness and depression that often  are crosses in a single person's life, it is so helpful to have good people to fall back on.  People who are willing to lift you up in prayer, hold your hand, and make you laugh at all the right times.  Having good friends often gets you out of the house and helps you to experience life in a much richer and fuller way.  And so that's my prayer for you today.  I pray that you know the love of a good friend and are able to cherish the friendships you have. I know I do!

A 5K, Who Would've Thought?

Some of you may have heard some rumblings of an unimaginable event happening in a week.  But let me put all rumors to rest, it's true, I am participating in my first 5K a week from today.  Now before you get too amazed, it's a 5K run/walk, of which mine will probably be more of a walk than a run. ;)  But yesterday as I was preparing at the gym with my sister-in-law, I kept thinking, "If Mr. Supric (my old gym teacher) could see me now."  Here I was on the treadmill walking 3.2 miles with 3 minutes jog sets thrown in there and I was amazed.  Who would've thunk?  Athletics have never been my strong suit and my battles with my weight certainly didn't help.  But here I was, 35 lbs lighter than when I began this blog 8 months ago, running my little heart out at the gym on a Saturday morning. 

Now even to the secular world, my journey is some what admirable.  I mean when obesity is at alarming rates and shows like the "Biggest Loser" and "I Used to be Fat" are blaring the important message that being fat kills, anyone who is losing weight and learning to exercise is a success in our world's eyes.  Believe me, I couldn't agree more,  but I believe that my journey is so much more a spiritual success than a secular one.   You see, although I am the one who at the end of the day is controlling what food I put in my mouth and how much activity I partake in, it's really God who is laying out the path on this. (He's like that....likes to orchestrate these awe inspiring plans for each of our lives.)  So for me, I realize more and more each day that my journey is exactly the one that God has planned for me. 

I believe our successes are truly measured by when we allow God to take us places we've never been before.  You may be thinking, "What does a 5k have to do with God?" My response to you would be, "Everything."  For me it's a 5k, for you it might be a new job, a vacation you never thought was possible, or starting a Bible Study.  True faith is allowing God to take us places we never imagined in our realm of possibility.  As scripture reminds us in Matthew 19:26, "With men this is impossible, but with God ALL things are possible." (emphasis is mine)  A 5k for me would've been 100% impossible, I don't naturally have the talent, the courage, or the dedication, but God keeps laying these things before me and asking me to trust Him.  Because at the end of the day it's not really about the 5k at all, it's about God teaching me about Himself and myself.  He is using this journey of losing weight to show me so many things about myself and others in my life.  He is showing me truly what I am capable of if I put my hand in His and trust Him to get me through.  He reminds me that "If God called me to it, He will get me through it."

So my challenge to all of you today is this, do you trust God enough to take you to places you never thought were possible?  Ask Him to take you there.  Ask Him to shed light on the path He has set before you and is just waiting for you to take the plunge.  The path may be a little scary at first, it might take some perseverance and sacrifice, but remember that if God is calling you to it, He will certainly get you through it.  In 3 days, we Catholics will begin the holy season of Lent.  What a great time to reflect on your openness to God's plans and to offer these next 40 days as a time to explore just exactly what it is that He is calling you to.  You might just be amazed to see what you can accomplish with God's helping hand!

When I cross the finish line one week from today, I know I will be completing another step along the path that God has set for me.  I am so thankful that He loves me enough to not allow me to remain complacent or stagnate.  I can't wait to see what's up next?  A marathon? (Well, let's not get crazy.... Right? God? Right?)  ;)