Our Year

Every year about this time I say to my best friend, "I think this is going to be our year!" To which she usually replies, "You say that every year."  And she's right.  I do say that every year and I am not entirely sure what "our year" means exactly.  I have shared numerous times on here about my dreams and desires.  Maybe this is the year I am going to stick with my diet and exercise and not dread bathing suit season.  Maybe this is the year I will save enough money in my bank account that I won't worry about what would happen in an emergency or disaster.  Or perhaps this is the year that Prince Charming with sweep me off my feet and we will ride off into the sunset.  Who knows? 

In just a few days, the ball in New York will once again drop at the stroke of midnight, Auld Lang Syne will begin to play, and 2011 will have arrived.  We will all turn to one another and embrace with a hug, a kiss, or clanking of our champagne glasses.  And for the next day millions of Americans will begin the formulation of our New Year's Resolutions. 

Now I've read the data, you've read the articles, and we've all failed at them, and yet we all make New Year's resolutions of some sort.  Losing weight, saving money, cutting up credit cards, quitting smoking, drinking less, working out, finding love...we all make them.  And some scoff at the idea because they know what the result is going to be.  So why do we put ourselves through the agony of setting ourselves up to fail?

I think that reason is Hope.  I think I tell my best friend that this year is "our year" each year because each year I have hope that this year is going to be better than the last year.  I think we make these resolutions because we all have hope that we are going to be better people.  And I think that's not a bad thing at all.  Yes, we may fail, but will we be a little better off?  I would rather live with the hope of becoming a better me than accepting my life as it is now and never changing those things that need changing.  

Actor Josh Hartnett said, "Hope is the most exciting thing in life and if you honestly believe that love is out there, it will come. And even if it doesn't come straight away there is still that chance all through your life that it will.”    You might not be hoping for love, but maybe you are hoping for that new job or the strength to kick a bad habit.  We know all too well that God's timing is not our timing, but we can continue to have hope in the storms that something good is on the horizon.  We can have hope that eventually God will answer our prayers at the most perfect time.  In a world full of heartache and struggle, I think it's time to embrace the hope the lives within each of us.

So this year as all of you sit down to begin writing your resolutions, do not be afraid.  Embrace the hope that this year is going to be YOUR YEAR!  This is the year you are going to make a change!  You might fail, you might stumble, but you can hold on to the hope that tomorrow is going to be a better day!  Albert Einstein said it best, " Learn from yesterday, Live for today, and Hope for tomorrow!"

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas....

This year, my very dear friend shared with me her favorite Christmas Carol, "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas."  She said she chokes up every time she hears it.  I never really thought of it or paid much attention to the words so I listened to my iTunes.  The lyrics go like this (just in case you are like me and never really paid attention):

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas – lyrics

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,

Let your heart be light

From now on,

our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,

Make the Yule-tide gay,

From now on,

our troubles will be miles away.

Here we are as in olden days,

Happy golden days of yore.

Faithful friends who are dear to us

Gather near to us once more.

Through the years

We all will be together,

If the Fates allow

Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.

And have yourself A merry little Christmas now.

She shared that with me about a week before Christmas and it stuck with me.   I think that's what I like the best about Christmas.  For just a bit we all stop and embrace the Christmas Spirit.  We open our hearts and hands a little wider and forget about the many troubles that each of us face in our daily lives.  For a few days differences are forgotten, truces are agreed upon, and love is given freely. 

I am ashamed to admit though that this hasn't always been my focus.  Yes, I've always loved the holidays.  Presents under the tree, cookies baking in the oven, and parties galore.  All of those things have always been so enjoyable for me, but for the last few years I haven't let the joy of the Season be my focus.  I focused more on what was missing in my life.  And by missing I mean a husband and a family.  Each Thanksgiving I would begin my Bridget Jones "All by Myself" act.  To see what I mean check out this clip to give you a full picture. ;)  I would tell my married friends and family that this was a hard time of year for me...that being single at the holidays...well...sucks.  But another good friend of mine said to me recently..."Erin, you've gotta let it go.  You think of nothing else and you've got to let God be in control."   I realized that I was so hyper focused on the fact that I was alone at the holidays that I missed out on a lot of the little joys of the season.

And so with these simple reminders I made a decision to simplify this Christmas, worry less about the gifts and more about the time spent with the people in my life.  I realized quickly just how many great and wonderful people I have in my life.   When I changed my focus I realized I really wasn't alone at all.  I have two loving parents, my brother and his family, and numerous wonderful friends.  My heart was lighter and I enjoyed a new perspective of the holidays. 

I learned that sometimes our focus gets a little off.  My fixation with being alone made me miss the truth.  The truth that I am surrounded by many loving and caring people.  My hopes of meeting someone remain, and God keeps reminding me in little ways that He indeed has a plan.  But this holiday season I am choosing to focus on the present...the people in my life now.  And oh, how blessed I truly am!

Signs?

I recently have begun seriously praying for my future husband.  As my biological clock seems to be ticking at a more rapid rate and louder and louder in my head I feel the need for God to take over.  Part of me, if I am being totally honest, feels like I better pray for him because he obviously needs it so we can meet and get this show on the road. ;)   The other part of me feels at such a loss as to what to do or not to do I feel like I need some help from the heavenly realm.  And so a few weeks back I began to pray a novena (a 9 day prayer) for my husband.  I chose to pray to St. Therese the Little Flower because I felt like I needed a "sign."  Traditionally, when you are praying to St. Therese she sends you a rose some way to let you know that she is hearing your prayers and presenting them to the Lord.  Well, sure enough my rose came.  I went to my mailbox at school on the 7th day of the novena and there was a porcelain rose sitting in my mailbox.  My friend had actually put it there as a joke. (She loves to place random "gifts" in my mailbox from time to time to make me laugh)  What my friend didn't know though was that I was praying this novena at the time and she was a little messenger from above.   It brought me hope to know that the Lord is hearing my prayers and that He will answer them when it is time.

 

A few days later though, I began to doubt.  I have a tendency sometimes to over analyze and that is what was happening to me.  Was I crazy?  Was the rose just a coincidence? Well, a few days after I had finished the novena a new sign came in the mail.  I had gotten home late from work one night and went to retrieve the mail, just as I always do once I walk in the door, and there was a magazine in the mail.  It's not unusual for me to get a magazine in the mail, but this one was titled "Get Married."  At first, I stopped and thought, who is playing a cruel joke on me?  Or who thinks I am so pathetic that they ordered me a magazine to get me to "get out there?"  But then, once I stopped thinking negatively, I wondered if perhaps this magazine was a sign from God that He truly is hearing my prayers.  So, I paged through the magazine and for just a few minutes allowed myself to dream of my wedding day that will come one day.  I chuckled to think that God can use anything to get our attention.  A silly porcelain rose leftover from our school's rummage sale or a random magazine in the mail.  He gave me the signs I needed to know He hadn't forgotten about me or my prayers.

 

As the LeAnn Rimes song "Somethings Gotta Give" depicts, sometimes our dreams don't always go how we imagine them to go and we are left wondering if we will be alone the rest of our lives, it's nice to have a little reminder that God is still on the throne and hears our prayers.  My little "signs" have given me a new hope and a little more patience and endurance to wait on the Lord.  I hope my future husband is feeling the blessing of my prayers and hopefully....hopefully sooner than later...he is getting ready to meet me too!

Loser

I thought that title would get your attention....

Webster's dictionary defines the word loser as follows:

Definition of LOSER

1: a person or thing that loses especially consistently
2: a person who is incompetent or unable to succeed; also : something doomed to fail or disappoint
 
No one wants to be a loser.  We especially don't want to be losers when it comes to friends, paychecks, car keys, the Stock Market, board games, a bet, and most of all family.  But as we all know the term "loser" has been given a make-over with the hit show "The Biggest Loser"  In the beginning of September I shared that I was joining Weight Watchers in an effort to give my body the respect it deserves.  Well, just about 6 weeks later I am down just over 13 lbs.   It's a small step in the right direction, but it's been so worth it. 
 
Now do not worry, my blog today isn't about me bragging about weight loss, rather it's about a gain that I have made in the last few weeks.  By being a "loser" I have also made some great gains.  The first is that I am starting to get back a confidence that I had lost.  When you are feeding your body with junk, junk starts to rule the roost.  Your clothes are snug, your favorite outfit doesn't look so swell anymore, and you just don't feel good about yourself.  That was the point I was at 6 weeks ago, and although I have  a long ways to go, I am realizing that I have added just a little bit of bounce back to my step.  I also have gained some energy back.  I notice that when I get home from work, I don't grab the first something for dinner and spend the rest of my evening vegging out in front of the TV.  Yes, I still kick my feet up and relax, but I am noticing that I have a little more energy to do some cooking and other activities without feeling exhausted. And I finally feel that I have control over my food and it doesn't control me.  I enjoy the challenge of "Eating This, Not That" and finding foods I like to eat and satisfy me.
 
Well, what I began to realize today is how important this is for a single person.  Yes, my health is improving and I am shedding some very necessary pounds, but more importantly I feel good about myself.  That is so important for singles to feel good and love ourselves.  When you are feeling good about yourself, wearing clothes that make you feel good, and having some good energy then you give that vibe off to everyone you come into contact with.  And so that's my challenge for myself and for all of you out there.  Maybe you don't need to lose weight (lucky you) but what is it that you need to do to feel good about yourself?  Do you need a new haircut, new make-up, a hobby, exercise?  What is it that is making you feel down in the dumps?  We all want to date someone who makes us happy, who gives off positive vibes...don't you think Mr. or Mrs. Right is feeling the same about you?
 
My weight loss journey is still in the beginning stages, but I know that as I keep on this path my outlook is going to continue to get a little more positive (not to mention my health...) That is the best gift I can give my future spouse.  The best me! :)

A Marathon

Just about 2 weeks ago I had the privilege of watching my dear friend, Brett, run the Detroit Marathon.  He had been training for months beforehand to prepare for this day and his wife, kids, our friends and myself had all geared up to cheer him to the finish.  A marathon is 26.2 miles and for some of us that are less than athletic that is an impossible fete, but Brett was ready!  And when he crossed the finish line 26.2 miles and just about 3.5 hours later we hugged and cried and celebrated his success. 

 

I was so impressed by Brett and the other runners.  What an accomplishment!  As I watched them run this scripture kept running through my mind.  " Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:1-3  This piece of scripture is so apropos for runners, but it's also a reminder for each of us.  As I type this I am home taking a mental health day.  Sometimes, life seems like a marathon that we are running.  I can relate how I am feeling today as Brett felt on mile 20 of the marathon as he ran on Belle Isle.  He shared that he felt that he no longer could run or even make his legs work.  As I left work yesterday, I kind of felt the same way.  But the second part of Brett's exhaustion is that just as he started to walk a fellow runner came up from behind and gave him a push and told him not to give up.   To keep on running.

 

That's the same for us.  We need to keep running our race.  But I am reminded that I am unable to run my "race" if I am not preparing for the race.  Lacking a real prayer life lately, I am seeing how necessary that is in my life.  It is difficult to continue the christian walk if I am not united to the One who created me to run this race.  Frequent communion with our Lord is imperative to this walk.  It would be impossible for me to run a marathon currently because I am in no physical shape to do so.  I haven't been preparing.  It's also impossible for me to continue on my race if I am not spiritually preparing. 

 

The second realization I have had though is just like the guy that gave Brett his push to keep persevering, I too need people in my life who give me those spiritual pep talks.  I am lucky to have several, but certainly my friend Gail is always there to pick me up when I am down.  God reminds us that we need to continue on the race and not allow our sins or failures to deter us from that.  I am reminded of the support system that is necessary for running this race. 

 

And if I continue to run this race and persevere, I know one day, I too will cross the finish line into eternal life.  So, I will take this day to get a recharge both physically and spiritually and then get back on the path and continue my race. 

 

(Thanks for the inspiration, B.  xo)

 

Spinning Tires

There are certain seasons in our lives that we feel (or at least I do) that we are spinning our tires.  Running, running, running....and yet not getting anywhere.  Exhausted, frustrated, and stressed.  That's what it's been for me lately.  I feel like a marathon runner running and running wondering when the finish line is going to come into sight.  Sometimes  I wonder just where it is I am running to and if I am ever going to make it there. 

So today when I got home after a moment of frustration and a mild pity party, I was reminded of something I had shared in my 8th grade Religion class earlier today.  I had had the kids do a 2 week Bible Study to just get a feel for different books of the Bible and I shared some of my favorites.  I shared with them some of the funny things in the Bible like the She-bears in 2 Kings 2:23-25  and Paul calling the Galatians stupid in Galatians 3:1.  We had a good laugh and then I shared my favorite verse to go to when I need a reminder from the Lord.  Jeremiah 29:11-14a.:  

"¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. ¹⁴ I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity."

I shared this almost automatically with my class and it wasn't until about 8 hours and one (OK... two) good cries later that those words came back to me.  The Lord has a plan for me and it's a plan full of hope.  All He asks is that I come to Him prayerfully seeking His will with all of my heart.  And I realized that I have lost sight of that lately.  I am running and running and trying to produce results and I forgot who is the leader of my ship.  I have once again taken the captain's chair and didn't allow the Lord to guide me. 

I am so ready for the "next thing" in my life.  A husband, 2.5 kids, and a white picket fence are the fiercest desires of my heart.  But for some reason, God has me where I am in my life now.  I need to trust that.  I need to trust His plan and open my heart to His will.  I will continue to bring this prayer to His attention and listen for His promptings in the next step, but I need to abandon my need to control situations and instead trust in the word I claim as my consolation.  In fact the Lord asked me just that when I prayed a Chaplet of Divine Mercy.  As I prayed the words, "Jesus, I trust in you..." I heard the Lord ask in the quiet of my heart, "Do you?" 

So it's time for me to put on the brakes for a minute, get out my road map to life (God's word), and reassess the path I am on.  And after some time of seeking and praying I am going to allow the Lord to guide me once again to the path that He has laid for me.  I think I will consider the passenger seat for awhile and take in the sights and sounds of the current day. 

A Breath of Fresh Air

A while back I shared with you that I am working on treating my body with the respect it deserves as part of God's great creation.  I have been on Weight Watchers for the last month now trying to do just that.  For the first couple weeks the scale was showing great results, but last week I only lost 0.4lbs and I was totally bummed.  I had followed program and not cheated, not even on the Elephant Ears and corn dogs that tempted me at a local craft fair I was in for an entire weekend.  I was good and yet the scale barely budged.  And so last Monday I had to take a look at what I was doing to help my body shed the extra pounds that desperately need to be lost.  I realized that like it or not it was time for me to add some exercise into my days.  So for the last few days, I have donned my walking shoes, stretch pants, and my iPod and hit the streets.  You see, I am one of those people who look at people who run for fun and question their sanity?  Let's just say exercise is not the first thing that comes to my mind when I think of fun things to do.  But with what happens to women in their 30's is they don't lose weight as easily and so I needed to help my body along. 

Well, you are not going to believe this, but it really felt good!  I have walked for the past few days and I am finding it very rewarding...I am even jogging for small (very small) increments.  And although my body is a little sore, I am looking forward to getting back out there each and every day. 

What I am realizing though is although I love that it's good for my body and the scale has finally started to move in the right direction, I love more that it's 30 mins each day that is totally mine...well mine and God's.  My life feels really hectic these days and my prayer life has suffered greatly because of that.  Long days, too many commitments, and a household to run has really put a road block in my prayer time.  But when I am out walking, with my iPod often playing praise and worship music I feel so close to God in these moments.  I am able to think and talk and pray in my own little bubble that no one else gets to enter.  I am able to breathe in the cleansing air He created and soak up a few rays of His sunshine.  It has been a total turn around for me.  My mind is clear, my spirit is positive, and life seems just a little more doable. 


And so while the weather is cooperating for the next few weeks I am planning on really taking advantage of it and getting out there.  It's a beautiful time of year with wonderful colors and cool mornings and nights.  And who knows, I may even continue on into the winter months walking with my mittens and hat!