Reflections on 2010

Today, on this last day of 2010 (I still can't really believe it still...),  I felt it only appropriate to write one last blog entry for the year.  Twenty Ten.  Hmmm...where are the hovercrafts and robots that were depicted in my favorite Jetsons' episodes? 

But here we are...tomorrow will be the first day of 2011.  Twenty ten would probably be best described as the year I began to find the real me amidst all the people I was trying to be.  At 31 (a prime number I might note, which usually I find to be a little off...) I had an awakening to realize that I had lived the last 31 years trying to be who I thought everyone wanted me to be and I realized that it was time I took back that image and became the woman who lived inside of me whom God had created me to be.  I am still a work in progress, but I feel more liberated these days to be me.  I am learning with each day to love myself and others in my life for who I am and who they are. 

2010 was also a year of loss.  I lost my spiritual director and dear friend Diana to cancer as well as my Uncle Wayne.  Both were very difficult losses, but both encouraged me to "live like I was dying."  They both left a great impact on those who were fortunate to know them and that was an inspiration for me to do the same as I live the rest of my life out here on this earth.   This year was a loss as well because I have begun to lose weight with Weight Watchers again and seem to be more dedicated and inspired to stay on the weight loss track than ever.  I have learned to really enjoy working out and making good choices when it comes to eating.  As I shed some pounds I am losing some poor self esteem and gaining a new respect for myself and my hard work.  The weight loss track will take me a pretty good part of 2011 and maybe even into 2012, but with each pound loss I am making great gains. 

In 2010, I began my 9th year as a teacher.  Nine years at my school has been a journey.  Sometimes I question if I am really making an impact as a teacher, but every so often I get to see a glimpse of the Lord working through me through my students.  It doesn't seem real that I should be old enough to be a teacher for 9 years and out of high school for 13 years.  Time really does seem to fly. 

I am praying that 2011 will be a great year for me and for all of my readers.  Despite rising gas costs, a battered economy, war and turmoil in many parts of the world, and the difficulties in life we all face I feel hope knowing that God is still on the throne and He has my best interests at heart. 

Blessings and love to all of you for 2011!  May you know God's love for you and feel His presence in your life. :)



Our Year

Every year about this time I say to my best friend, "I think this is going to be our year!" To which she usually replies, "You say that every year."  And she's right.  I do say that every year and I am not entirely sure what "our year" means exactly.  I have shared numerous times on here about my dreams and desires.  Maybe this is the year I am going to stick with my diet and exercise and not dread bathing suit season.  Maybe this is the year I will save enough money in my bank account that I won't worry about what would happen in an emergency or disaster.  Or perhaps this is the year that Prince Charming with sweep me off my feet and we will ride off into the sunset.  Who knows? 

In just a few days, the ball in New York will once again drop at the stroke of midnight, Auld Lang Syne will begin to play, and 2011 will have arrived.  We will all turn to one another and embrace with a hug, a kiss, or clanking of our champagne glasses.  And for the next day millions of Americans will begin the formulation of our New Year's Resolutions. 

Now I've read the data, you've read the articles, and we've all failed at them, and yet we all make New Year's resolutions of some sort.  Losing weight, saving money, cutting up credit cards, quitting smoking, drinking less, working out, finding love...we all make them.  And some scoff at the idea because they know what the result is going to be.  So why do we put ourselves through the agony of setting ourselves up to fail?

I think that reason is Hope.  I think I tell my best friend that this year is "our year" each year because each year I have hope that this year is going to be better than the last year.  I think we make these resolutions because we all have hope that we are going to be better people.  And I think that's not a bad thing at all.  Yes, we may fail, but will we be a little better off?  I would rather live with the hope of becoming a better me than accepting my life as it is now and never changing those things that need changing.  

Actor Josh Hartnett said, "Hope is the most exciting thing in life and if you honestly believe that love is out there, it will come. And even if it doesn't come straight away there is still that chance all through your life that it will.”    You might not be hoping for love, but maybe you are hoping for that new job or the strength to kick a bad habit.  We know all too well that God's timing is not our timing, but we can continue to have hope in the storms that something good is on the horizon.  We can have hope that eventually God will answer our prayers at the most perfect time.  In a world full of heartache and struggle, I think it's time to embrace the hope the lives within each of us.

So this year as all of you sit down to begin writing your resolutions, do not be afraid.  Embrace the hope that this year is going to be YOUR YEAR!  This is the year you are going to make a change!  You might fail, you might stumble, but you can hold on to the hope that tomorrow is going to be a better day!  Albert Einstein said it best, " Learn from yesterday, Live for today, and Hope for tomorrow!"

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas....

This year, my very dear friend shared with me her favorite Christmas Carol, "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas."  She said she chokes up every time she hears it.  I never really thought of it or paid much attention to the words so I listened to my iTunes.  The lyrics go like this (just in case you are like me and never really paid attention):

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas – lyrics

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,

Let your heart be light

From now on,

our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,

Make the Yule-tide gay,

From now on,

our troubles will be miles away.

Here we are as in olden days,

Happy golden days of yore.

Faithful friends who are dear to us

Gather near to us once more.

Through the years

We all will be together,

If the Fates allow

Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.

And have yourself A merry little Christmas now.

She shared that with me about a week before Christmas and it stuck with me.   I think that's what I like the best about Christmas.  For just a bit we all stop and embrace the Christmas Spirit.  We open our hearts and hands a little wider and forget about the many troubles that each of us face in our daily lives.  For a few days differences are forgotten, truces are agreed upon, and love is given freely. 

I am ashamed to admit though that this hasn't always been my focus.  Yes, I've always loved the holidays.  Presents under the tree, cookies baking in the oven, and parties galore.  All of those things have always been so enjoyable for me, but for the last few years I haven't let the joy of the Season be my focus.  I focused more on what was missing in my life.  And by missing I mean a husband and a family.  Each Thanksgiving I would begin my Bridget Jones "All by Myself" act.  To see what I mean check out this clip to give you a full picture. ;)  I would tell my married friends and family that this was a hard time of year for me...that being single at the holidays...well...sucks.  But another good friend of mine said to me recently..."Erin, you've gotta let it go.  You think of nothing else and you've got to let God be in control."   I realized that I was so hyper focused on the fact that I was alone at the holidays that I missed out on a lot of the little joys of the season.

And so with these simple reminders I made a decision to simplify this Christmas, worry less about the gifts and more about the time spent with the people in my life.  I realized quickly just how many great and wonderful people I have in my life.   When I changed my focus I realized I really wasn't alone at all.  I have two loving parents, my brother and his family, and numerous wonderful friends.  My heart was lighter and I enjoyed a new perspective of the holidays. 

I learned that sometimes our focus gets a little off.  My fixation with being alone made me miss the truth.  The truth that I am surrounded by many loving and caring people.  My hopes of meeting someone remain, and God keeps reminding me in little ways that He indeed has a plan.  But this holiday season I am choosing to focus on the present...the people in my life now.  And oh, how blessed I truly am!