The Difference a Year Makes

A year ago yesterday I wrote my first entry on this blog.  (Click here to read it.) I am absolutely flabbergasted by the difference in my life in one year.   I had just read the book "The Thrill of the Chaste" by Dawn Eden, in which I have mentioned several times before as the book that began my journey of transformation this past year,  and suddenly I had a whole new perspective on life.  It was as if my muddy shaded glasses fell off and suddenly I realized that there was this whole world out there for me to be a part of, single or otherwise, and I was missing it because frankly I was obsessed with getting married.  I had no idea at the time that my life as I knew it would suddenly never be the same!!

In the past 365 days I have accomplished the following: I lost 50 pounds on Weight Watchers and although my weight continues to be a struggle I have to fight day in and out, I am healthier today than I ever can remember.  On that same note, I got my first gym membership and ran my first 5K.  Losing weight and getting active has changed me obviously physically...I finally get to shop in the "normal" size department and don't have to limit myself to the plus size assortments.  Just a few weeks ago I also hiked from the lower Tahquamenon Falls to the Upper falls...covering roughly 5+ miles of rough terrain and umpteen steps.  It was a great accomplishment again for me both physically and mentally. 

Besides experiencing the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, Indiana, and Florida this past year, I also began to prepare for another really important journey.  In just a few weeks I will be heading to both Rome, Italy and Madrid, Spain to experience a trip of a lifetime!  It took lots of hard work, fundraising, extra work, and a few tears to get me on this trip, but I am finally days away from experiencing Europe once again and seeing the Pope for the first time! 

I finally decided to conquer (or begin conquering I should say...) another mountain in my life...cleaning and organizing! In February, a good friend of mine came over and just as I was shedding pounds on my body it was also time to shed the stuff that cluttered my life.  I began to get rid of clothes, books, decorations, and much, much more.  I am definitely still a work in progress in this department, but I realized that I was worth having a nice house.  I realized that I was a much happier person when my surroundings were in order.  And so I decided not to accept my messy tendencies and decided to face my issues head on.  I love my simplified surroundings and the peace it brings me when my house and especially my bedroom are in order.

I finally began to become the person I always wanted to be. I learned to love myself and accept myself for who I am.  It wasn't easy and I learned a whole lot about who I am and what is great about myself and what maybe isn't so great.  And finally I learned that I was capable of being loved for me.  Loved not because I was a size 2, said the right things, did the right things, and had the right clothes, but rather I was capable of being loved "just the way I am." (Thank you Bruno Mars)



And it finally happened....

Holy Saturday of this year, I went on the long awaited, highly anticipated first date in what seemed like an eternity.  The entire story will have to come at another time, but for now I will say that a man's path, travelling on a path very similar to mine and practically within reach of me for many years, finally crossed my path and 3 months later we find ourselves very happy and dreaming of a future together.  We both had been praying and allowing God to transform us for many years and suddenly it seemed that our time of waiting was finally over.  For the first time in my life I feel the love and acceptance I have desired for years from a wonderful man named Tom.   Tom has been the answer to my prayers in so many more ways than I ever dreamed imaginable.  He has shown me the beauty to my soul and what true love means.  He is the quiet and calm counterpart to my wild and frenzied personality.  He makes me laugh and makes me feel safe and cared for.  He makes my life something wonderful and great!!  He truly is the answer to my deepest prayers.

But Tom couldn't have been a part of my life unless I first began this journey of learning to love myself and allow the Lord to mold me and make me into the woman I was destined to become.  I wasn't ready to love and be loved a year ago, and I realize now that I am finally there.  I have so much more to learn, and change, and grow into, but for now I am glad to experience this mutual love and relationship. 

And so it is with a glad heart that I write this blog one year later.  It has been a remarkable year full of surprises, achievements, and love from so many different levels.  I can't wait to see where the next year takes me...

Stay posted....<3

Valued? Valued.

It has been 10 months since I first started writing this blog and this morning as I woke quite early I began to think about the journey of these 10 months.  It certainly has been a transitional time for me in my life and a time of great growth for me as well.  A group in the Detroit area has put out this campaign of "2wordstories"  The stories speak of a changing life and that change being brought around by God.  So this morning I was going through and watching the "stories" and deciding what my story was.  What was the word that struck the chords within my heart and then I happened upon, "Valued? Valued."  This man's story is a bit different from mine.  I didn't change schools frequently and I didn't have multiple sex partners, but I certainly was searching for value in all the wrong places.  My weight, my attitude, my insecurities...all of them had to do with struggling to see my own personal value.

You see for many years now in my prayer time and time spent with my spiritual director and prayer groups when we would pray the Lord would give this vision of the gem.  The Lord had to form it, wash it, and polish it over the years, but recently the vision was of a brilliant gem shining in all of it's glory.  This vision grew with me as I grew with the Lord.  I realize that for the first time in my life I have value.  Not because I have begun dating someone or because I have lost almost 50 pounds.  No, my value comes from knowing that I am a daughter of the Most High God and He has created me with value and worth.  Accepting that has allowed me to realize that I am valuable.  Not in the selfish or self centered sense, but in the sense that I am comfortable with being who God has called me to be and I don't have to try to be someone or something else.  My value comes from God.

Now I would be remiss if I didn't mention the fact that getting a gem ready for sale isn't a grueling process.  It's painful to be sanded, have dirt removed, and the be shined up, but God has sent me some of the most wonderful people to help me get through the process.  So many friends and family, my late spiritual director, Diana, various clergy members, and many books have aided me along this journey. 

So this morning I am reflecting on my value.  I realize full heartedly that I am a child of God and even though the road isn't always easy, and my brilliancy still gets smudged and dirty with my human imperfections, I can rest assured knowing that I am His creation and He loves me just the way I am.  I pray today that you know not only your value, but encourage you to think about your "story."  God has a plan for all of us, may you know His love and peace today.

Unanswered Prayers

One of my favorite country songs is sung by the artist Garth Brooks.  The song came out in the 90's while I was in high school and yet it remains an old favorite of mine to this day.  The song is "Unanswered Prayers" and the lyrics to the chorus go like this:

Sometimes I thank God, for unanswered prayers
Remember when you’re talkin’ to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn’t answer doesn’t mean he don’t care
Some of God’s greatest gifts, are unanswered prayers.

Lately, the chorus of this song keeps playing over and over in my head.  A lot of good has been happening in my life lately, and I am able to see God's hand writing all over it, but it makes me realize that sometimes my prayer requests are so narrow and self centered and that God has something so much better than I can imagine.    Sometimes I box the God of the Universe in by telling Him what I need and how exactly I think that should unfold.  My only redeeming quality about these prayers is that after I would kick and scream, whine and complain, present my plans in vivid detail, I would usually stop and say, "Lord, but Your will be done. I really like so and so, but bring me the man you want me to be with.  I really want to do things differently, but let Your will be done for my life."    And that has made all the difference in the end. 

You see the funny thing is, there was a man out there praying a very similar prayer. Praying for the Lord's will to be done in his life and that if he was called to marriage that God would bring her into his life.  After seven months of "getting to know" one another, God finally decided that it was time and brought the two of us together after the Easter Vigil Mass this year.  Exactly one month later, today, we are still figuring out all of the ins and outs of dating and we are having all of our firsts: meeting each others parents, meeting friends, praying together, shopping together, finding out what foods we both like and both detest.  We feel God's hand moving and defining our relationship and life as we know it in the present is very good!

But that isn't the focus of this blog. The focus, as it probably should be, is God and His plans.   The two of us (my boyfriend and I that is) have had many conversations in the last month on just how amazed we are to watch God's plan unfold before our very eyes.  Although we realize that our relationship is still new and we have a lot to learn about one another and where God is leading us as a couple, we both are seeing the fruit of waiting on the Lord and allowing His plan to unfold in our lives.  God hit this one out of the ballpark and not only answered our feeble prayers, but answered with something (or perhaps the word is someone) that is truly the answer to the prayers of our heart.  We are both reminded that God is so much wiser and knows best what we need. 

And so all my readers, I guess this is my two cents for today.  Let God be God.  He is so much wiser than we can hope to be.  He sees the greater picture when we can only see a small piece of the puzzle.

"Come, Have Breakfast"

The invitation to have breakfast. A simple and kind gesture, and yet so profound as a friend of mine recently pointed out.  What makes this little statement so profound you see is because the person making the request is the King of Kings Himself.  The full test goes like this:

¹¹ So Simon Peter climbed back into the boat and dragged the net ashore. It was full of large fish, 153, but even with so many the net was not torn. ¹² Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.” None of the disciples dared ask him, “Who are you?” They knew it was the Lord. (from John 21)

As my friend pointed this part of scripture out to me last night after we left Mass, I realized that it really is a profound statement of the our Lord.  Here the King of Kings had just died on the cross for our sins and resurrected on the 3rd day, and yet He still is concerned with the little things.  Certainly breakfast is one of the 3 meals a day we each have (or at least we should...it is the most important meal of the day)  Jesus's apostles were kind of feeling a little lost at this point, their leader is basically gone from them, expect for appearing to them here and there, and they are not sure where the path is leading them to, so they return to what they know.  They go fishing.  (Unsuccessfully, I might note.)  But then Christ appears and not only does He guide them to catching a huge batch of fish from the sea, he makes sure they are also fed.  He again serves them and provides for all of their needs.

This just made me think of the character of Christ.  He's got it all figured out for each of us...from the really big things to the tiny minute details.  He has a plan for you and for me and that plan is going to unfold at exactly the perfect time.  This week I have become keenly aware of just that.  Just when I thought that God had forgotten about me here on Earth, He sweeps in at the perfect moment and shows me that not only has He not forgotten me, but He has something totally awesome on the horizon.   I realize fully that life is not about luck or coincidences or about what our horoscopes predict, but rather God's hand writing the perfect story of each of us.  He writes this beautiful story so that all of the pieces of the puzzle come together at just the right time and fit perfectly together.  It's like a beautiful poem or a sweet love song that flows with beauty and grace. 

And so this morning, I challenge you to hear the God of the universe inviting you to breakfast with Him.  Be reminded of His love for you and assured that despite appearances, He's got everything under control, and the sooner you let go and allow Him to be the author of your life, the sooner you will begin to see the Masterpiece of the Author's plan unfold....

thirty-two

Yesterday was another milestone in my life....another year had passed and suddenly I found myself at the golden year of 32.  I allowed myself some time yesterday to think about this past year.  When I turned 31, I was not in a good spot in my life.  I was unhappy with myself on so many levels and I wasn't excited to celebrate nor be 31.  But as I began this blog almost 9 months ago I am amazed at the transformation that has occurred in this past year.  As 32 approached I realized that I wasn't dreading it nearly the same way I was 31.  Then today I got a card from my oldest and dearest friend Ashley and the cover went on to say this, " Funny thing about joy, is that you only really find it when you are too busy having fun to go looking for it."  And I realized, just as my dear friend did, that this is just what happened to me! 

Throughout this transforming year I learned not only to have fun, but to love myself and the joy that I have been seeking for years finally came to be.  It kind of snuck up on me!  Now there have been bad days and there have been moments of pity, but for the first time in my life I have true joy in my life. 



So last night as I was finishing up a fabulous birthday dinner with the finest of company I was reminded that God isn't through with His blessings!  I left the restaurant with a smile on my face and joy in my heart.  I was able to reminisce about all that the Lord has done in my life and I think this is just the tip of the iceberg.  My decision to choose to love myself, accept God's will for my life, and to make a few changes here and there has made all the difference.  The scripture verse on this site from the beginning has been John 10:10 "I came that you may have life and have it abundantly"  I think I have finally began to experience that abundant life that God has for me! 

And well folks...Life is good today! :)

The Love of a Friend

One of my favorite stories in the Bible is about the friendship between King David and Jonathon.  When Jonathon spares David's life from his father Saul's snare they share a brief and honest moment of deep friendship in 1 Samuel 20: 40 (The Message):

Jonathan gave his quiver and bow to the boy and sent him back to town. After the servant was gone, David got up from his hiding place beside the boulder, then fell on his face to the ground—three times prostrating himself! And then they kissed one another and wept, friend over friend, David weeping especially hard.  Jonathan said, "Go in peace! The two of us have vowed friendship in God's name, saying, 'God will be the bond between me and you, and between my children and your children forever!'"

I love this passage because it shows true friendship.  Sometimes the friends in our lives are often as close, or closer, than our own families.  I can think of so many good friends that I have shared moments like this with and how important my friends are.  Lately though, I have been keenly aware of friends of mine who truly live out this type of love and friendship.  I have a few friends, both male and female, who stir up the same emotion in me that was stirred up in both Jonathon and David.  These friends encourage me in my struggles, validate me in my triumphs, and call me out when I need it too!  They give honest, loving advice, listen to what I have to say, and help me to see the real me in so many ways.  And hopefully, I reciprocate that friendship in return.

You see, I think the story of Jonathon and David is included in the Bible to highlight the importance of friendship.  I think it's an honest look at fierce, deep friendship.  We also see that friendship between Jesus and Lazarus when he weeps when his friend dies.  These relationships are real and so, so important!  We need at least a good friend or two in our lives.  I call myself blessed to say that I have several friends that fit the bill.  

As a single person, these relationships are even more important.  When battling the loneliness and depression that often  are crosses in a single person's life, it is so helpful to have good people to fall back on.  People who are willing to lift you up in prayer, hold your hand, and make you laugh at all the right times.  Having good friends often gets you out of the house and helps you to experience life in a much richer and fuller way.  And so that's my prayer for you today.  I pray that you know the love of a good friend and are able to cherish the friendships you have. I know I do!

A 5K, Who Would've Thought?

Some of you may have heard some rumblings of an unimaginable event happening in a week.  But let me put all rumors to rest, it's true, I am participating in my first 5K a week from today.  Now before you get too amazed, it's a 5K run/walk, of which mine will probably be more of a walk than a run. ;)  But yesterday as I was preparing at the gym with my sister-in-law, I kept thinking, "If Mr. Supric (my old gym teacher) could see me now."  Here I was on the treadmill walking 3.2 miles with 3 minutes jog sets thrown in there and I was amazed.  Who would've thunk?  Athletics have never been my strong suit and my battles with my weight certainly didn't help.  But here I was, 35 lbs lighter than when I began this blog 8 months ago, running my little heart out at the gym on a Saturday morning. 

Now even to the secular world, my journey is some what admirable.  I mean when obesity is at alarming rates and shows like the "Biggest Loser" and "I Used to be Fat" are blaring the important message that being fat kills, anyone who is losing weight and learning to exercise is a success in our world's eyes.  Believe me, I couldn't agree more,  but I believe that my journey is so much more a spiritual success than a secular one.   You see, although I am the one who at the end of the day is controlling what food I put in my mouth and how much activity I partake in, it's really God who is laying out the path on this. (He's like that....likes to orchestrate these awe inspiring plans for each of our lives.)  So for me, I realize more and more each day that my journey is exactly the one that God has planned for me. 

I believe our successes are truly measured by when we allow God to take us places we've never been before.  You may be thinking, "What does a 5k have to do with God?" My response to you would be, "Everything."  For me it's a 5k, for you it might be a new job, a vacation you never thought was possible, or starting a Bible Study.  True faith is allowing God to take us places we never imagined in our realm of possibility.  As scripture reminds us in Matthew 19:26, "With men this is impossible, but with God ALL things are possible." (emphasis is mine)  A 5k for me would've been 100% impossible, I don't naturally have the talent, the courage, or the dedication, but God keeps laying these things before me and asking me to trust Him.  Because at the end of the day it's not really about the 5k at all, it's about God teaching me about Himself and myself.  He is using this journey of losing weight to show me so many things about myself and others in my life.  He is showing me truly what I am capable of if I put my hand in His and trust Him to get me through.  He reminds me that "If God called me to it, He will get me through it."

So my challenge to all of you today is this, do you trust God enough to take you to places you never thought were possible?  Ask Him to take you there.  Ask Him to shed light on the path He has set before you and is just waiting for you to take the plunge.  The path may be a little scary at first, it might take some perseverance and sacrifice, but remember that if God is calling you to it, He will certainly get you through it.  In 3 days, we Catholics will begin the holy season of Lent.  What a great time to reflect on your openness to God's plans and to offer these next 40 days as a time to explore just exactly what it is that He is calling you to.  You might just be amazed to see what you can accomplish with God's helping hand!

When I cross the finish line one week from today, I know I will be completing another step along the path that God has set for me.  I am so thankful that He loves me enough to not allow me to remain complacent or stagnate.  I can't wait to see what's up next?  A marathon? (Well, let's not get crazy.... Right? God? Right?)  ;)

Writing Opportunities in Lent

Today I received an email from catholicmatch.com asking it's members for reflections on being single and Lent.  I couldn't help but take this opportunity to share my writing with others.  Writing this blog has been such a blessing to me, so I decided to share my love of writing on the topic of being single with a new audience. And so tonight I sat down with my laptop and wrote in under 300 words (as was required by the contest) a small reflection on Lent as a single person.  Who knows where this will take me next, but at the very least I hope it inspires someone out there who happens upon it.  May God bless all of you this Lenten season. My prayer is that as all of you fast from those things that keep you from fully encountering the Lord, that you will have a radical experience of His love and presence.

Traditionally during the season of Lent most Catholics fast from something or other.  It could be sweets, alcohol, or Facebook.  This year though, I am fasting from something else.  I have made the decision to fast from self pity, worry, and doubt.  You see, for the 31 years of my life, I have wanted nothing other than to be married.  I have felt sorry for myself, worried about my future, and doubted the fact that I would ever meet my husband and would inevitably be alone for the rest of my life.  In some ways I felt that God had punished me with being single, but after reading the book “The Thrill of the Chaste” by Dawn Eden I realized that I was wrong.  God isn’t punishing me with my call to be single for now.  He has given me this time in my life to grow in faith, to learn how to first love myself, and most importantly to learn to love and be loved by the One who created me.  So by fasting from those things that keep me from seeing God’s vision for my life right now, I am able for the first time in my life to see the wonderful things about being single.  I am able to spend time working on friendships, traveling around the world, and learning about myself.   And although the prayers and searching for Mr. Right remain, I can do so peacefully and trust that God has a plan for me and my spouse.  But while we wait to meet each other, we can live a life of hope and joy knowing that God’s plan will one day all come together.  By fasting from these negative things, I am able to focus on the positive and see the gifts of each day.

You've Got A Friend....

When I went to bed last night I had a smile on my face and the same is true for when I woke up this morning.  You see last night I went to a dance being put on by a local Young Adult group and had an absolute blast!  It was a semi formal dance, and so all of the ladies were there in their finest and all the men were cleaned up in their suits and ties.  The mood was set, the disco ball was greased up and ready to do it's thing, the fondue was pouring, and most importantly the DJ was ready.  After a very quick review of the foxtrot, waltz, salsa, and swing dancing the night began!  I danced practically the entire night, and although my footsies are a bit sore this morning, every bit of the night was perfect!

Now the music was good, the decorations too, but I don't think that's what made the night such a success.  What made the night a success was all the great people there! A Chinese proverb says, "With true friends... even water drunk together is sweet enough. "  I think that sums up the fun I had last night.  The dance was in a simple church hall, but you wouldn't have known because the dance floor was full, the mood was light, and there was fun being had by everyone there.  And as I drove home late last night, I began to reminisce about the night.  I went through each face that I danced with, laughed with, and talked with and I was overcome with gratitude to know so many wonderful people.  Each friend brings something a little different to my life.  They are the bouquet of happiness for me.   My friends are the sweet aroma in my life! 

So, today my smile remains.  And that smile goes out to all of you...my friends.  I know my life is so much more full and has a greater purpose because of all the people  in it. 

2/14

I have found a topic that married people and single people can agree on....Valentine's Day.  Most married couples when asked about Valentine's Day will respond that it is "simply another day."  While most single people comment that it's "an annoying Hallmark holiday."   February 14th....the biggest day of love and pity as far as I am concerned.  For young couples in love and school children, this is a day to send Valentines, eat chocolate, and wear red.  Where many singles will remind you that Valentine's Day is simply a day to remind you (just in case you forgot) that you are still single....and everyone knows it. Regardless, I think both married couples and single people would be ok with the day going away and really being "just another day."

I would be lying if I acted as if this wasn't my attitude for most of my adult life.  Each Valentine's Day I would mope around, watch chick flicks that simply reiterated that I didn't have a love story like the one on the screen, and have a full blown pity party.  (Sounds really pathetic now that I put it in print.)  I felt like I walked around all day with a big S for "single" on my shirt.

This year though I have decided that I have given Valentine's Day way too much power over me.  Yes, just the other day I was telling my students that Valentine's Day with no Valentine isn't nearly as exciting with one, but focusing on what I don't have rather than what I do have is a thing of the past and so I am trying to look at 2/14 with a new resolve.  This made me want to stop and find out...just how did Valentine's Day begin in the first place?  And so I did a little research on the great St. Valentine.  Although, history isn't totally clear on the roots of this love filled day, we do know that there was a man named Valentine, a soldier in the Roman army, whose noble actions are the root of this day.  It seems that this day's original intentions were to spread love to those who mattered most in your life.  This day isn't just for love sick couples! ;)

So tomorrow when the world is once again saturated with red, pink, and chocolate I will be out there, too.  In the secret of my heart, a Valentine from an anonymous (or un-anonymous) admirer would be lovely, I hope to instead let those in my life who mean so much to me know that I love them and am thankful for the love I receive in return from them.  Again, this year for me is all about focusing on the "haves" and not the "have nots."   I hope that I can focus on the love I have in my life.  Love of family, friends, my students, and mostly the love given from Love Himself.

May all of you know love in your lives this Valentine's Day and every other day as well!

Take A Compliment

"A compliment is verbal sunshine" ~ Robert Orben

I've made an observation over the last few days...after receiving, giving, and observing compliments, I have come to the conclusion that they are a very uncomfortable thing for people to take.  It seems that most people when given a compliment usually do one of the following:

1. Deny, insult, or belittle the gift (and themselves) in order to not brag

2. Start rambling madly and change the subject as quickly as possible

3. Blush like crazy and act like nothing has been said

And it makes me wonder why is it that we as a people have such a difficult time accepting a compliment? Is it because we are afraid we will be seen as bragging or boastful?  Are we afraid to admit the good things about us?  Why is it so difficult to accept the fact that someone else sees something good in you?  Have compliments become tainted because so many people often give insincere compliments?

I don't have the answers to this question, but I have been working lately that when I do receive a compliment I simply smile and say thank you. I will admit...that's hard.  I am sure I still blush and even though I am secretly gloating inside at times,  I try to allow the person who's giving the compliment to know that I hear them and appreciate their kind words without insulting myself or others in order to ward off any pride I am afraid I might leak. 

I may be thinking too deeply (which happens from time to time) but part of me thinks it goes back to self love.  When we don't love ourselves or feel confident with ourselves, we don't know how to handle love and appreciation from someone else.  When we have trouble seeing the good in us, we don't trust the good that others see in us.  Maybe it comes from our woundedness that we each carry.  Perhaps a past hurt has interfered with seeing that we are a good friend or a good artist?  Who knows?  But I think as we become more comfortable in our skin...with who we really are to the core, we can take compliments from others and acknowledge all the good that is found in each of us.

So, I guess the moral of this story is the next time someone tells you that you are beautiful, talented, or caring just smile and say thank you and know that today you shined a little bit of light into someone else's world. :)



Snowed In

It only seems appropriate to me that I should write a blog about snow since for the last few days (weeks actually) all it seems to do is snow.   Now living in Michigan for my entire life, I should be used to the snow...in fact, I should love the snow, but the truth of the matter is, other than nostalgic purposes during Christmas time or for a free and unexpected day off of work, I really don't love snow.  So imagine my disappointment today when out of the blue, we got an additional 5 inches of snow to add to the 9 inches we received earlier this week that brought my Saturday night plans to a halt.  Instead of learning how to foxtrot with a group of friends across town, I ended up staying in for the night fearing that the roads would be too treacherous and a 30 minute drive would have inevitably turned into an hour circus.  Although my efforts to become the next Ginger Rogers have been thwarted by Mother Nature this time, I ended up having a very nice quiet day with even a few bright spots.

 

For the first time since this summer,  I was able to read a book from cover to cover.  I always forget how much I love to read until I actually have time to sit down and do it.  I love getting lost in the plot line of a 30 something woman and enjoying her adventure for just awhile.  I love to read things that aren't too serious and are a little mindless, such a change from the day to day.  I also used today's snow as a great excuse to take a nap.  It was so nice to snuggle under my flannel sheets and enjoy a 45 minute nap while the snow gently fell outside.  My past few weeks have been insanely busy and it was nice to indulge in a cat nap.  Lastly, I bonded a little with my neighbors.  In fact, one of my neighbors shoveled part of my snow and my other neighbor and I shared pleasantries after 3 years of not muttering too much more than a "hi" until now. 

 

So, although the snow changed my plans for this Saturday night in February, I am thankful for the little blessings it did provide.  I love that just when I think I've figured something out in this world, a snowball is thrown my way and I end up with some unexpected blessings that remind me that there is Someone bigger than me orchestrating my path...and sometimes that means a little snow must fall. :)

funk-y

My life lately is pretty darn good!  I am down 32 pounds since September. I've recently cleaned out every room and closet in my house and have begun painting.  I am working hard to fund raise for my upcoming trip to Rome and Madrid in August.  I have not one, but 2 trips to Florida in the next few months. I have learned to begin to love myself and accept myself for me, and I am mostly at peace with the fact that I am single. 

But despite all the good things going on in my life (and there are many more) today I find myself in a funk.  Today was a snow day, and we were supposed to get 12+ inches of snow, of which only 7 or so came, and normally a snow day is a very great thing for me, a teacher, but since I woke this morning I have been fighting a funk within.  I found myself wishing that I had a family to spend this snow day with and felt a little bit alone.  And as I allowed myself to dwell on that I noticed my pity party slowly beginning to form.  Poor me...

Now I've made the conscious effort to quit dwelling on the have not and to focus on the haves, but I would be lying if I said, I have completely turned my mood around.  I think I realize two things today: One, even when life is really good, we are going to have bad days and Two: It's important to not dwell in misery and instead to choose to fight it.  I know tomorrow morning when I wake up it is going to be a new day and I will once again have a lot to be thankful for and I also know that watching depressing movies or listening to solemn ballads is not going to make anything better. 

And as I was finally taking a hot shower this afternoon, I heard in the whispers of my heart the Lord speak to me through my favorite verse of scripture (paraphrased) "Erin, remember the plans that I have for you.  Plans for welfare, not for woe.  All you need to do is keep coming to me and I will change your lot." (Jeremiah 29:11-13a)  I am reminded that in our weakness, He makes us strong.  And as The Shirelles put it so perfectly, "Mama said there'd be days like this,"  but it's up to me to fight the pity party, put my hand in the Lord's and trust that the "Sun will come out tomorrow."

Out with the Old, In with the New

I have a confession to make.  There are a lot of really great things about me.  I am a good friend, a pretty good singer, and an OK cook.  But there is one thing (among many) that I am not good at.  I am not good at staying organized!  In fact...I am really bad at it.  I wouldn't call me or a hoarder or anything and there has some respect for my house and myself that I at least tried to return my house to order every week or two, but to be quite frank my house had one problem...too much stuff!  Shoes, books, clothes, holy cards, stationary, and decorations from the years had finally began to take over in my life.  And so this year when I made my New Year's Resolutions I decided that since I am already on the weight loss track and have begun exercising that my focus for this year would be to simplify and de-clutter my house.  So yesterday I asked my good friend  to come over and help me with the task.   We went through every room, every closet, every drawer, and simply got rid of lots of "stuff."  I mean why does one need 20 coffee mugs or 100 books?  How many purses do you need to keep in hopes of one day reusing them again knowing full well that when those new spring fashions come out you will picking out that perfect purse once again!  Just how many spatulas or measuring cups does it take to make a good cook?  Well, after a few trips to the dumpster, a nice donation to the Salvation Army, and a lot of elbow grease and Pinesol, this place is looking amazing!  I have cut the amount of "stuff" I have in at least half and my home is aesthetically pleasing and spic and span too!



This morning when I woke to an orderly house, I noticed a new peace about me too.  It's amazing that when you create an order in your surroundings it allows you to be peaceful as well.  For me, I have a problem of buying things that I think I might use.  "I am going to read this book this summer.. I think these shoes will go perfectly with this one outfit...$1 for a pack of cards?! Deal!"  And what happened is that I had a whole lot of "stuff" laying around that in reality was just that.  Stuff.  It served no real purpose for me or any real function, but it was one more "thing" I had. 

Now, I promise you that I am never going to be one of those people with an impeccable house, but for 2011 I am going to really strive to keep everything in order.  Keep up on those dishes and not allow the mail to take on a life of it's own.  As I have decided to take honor and pride in my body and image, I also am making the decision to take honor and pride in my home.  The process isn't complete yet...I will be looking at paint swatches over the next week, but for now, I am enjoying the house that is mine.  I am breathing a little easier today because when I look around I don't see disorganization and chaos, but rather order and beauty.  My surroundings are beginning to transform along with me!

Happy Sunday everyone!  May you know peace and order in your lives today too! :)

The Glass is Half Full

I shared in an earlier post this month that I was going to speak at my church's youth group about being single.  The night went really well, but one question that kind of really made me think was, "What is the best thing about being single?"  Hmmm...what is the best thing about being single?  Then, this same topic came up with one of my best friends this weekend and so that got me to think about what are the benefits to being single.  I think for so long my desires for marriage clouded my ability to see all the good things about being single.  So, as any good self respecting blogger does, I am putting these conversations to print. 

 

So ladies and gentlemen I present to you my list: Why Being Single Isn't That Horrible!

 

1. Sleeping in! One of the benefits of being single is that unless your alarm is going off for work, as a single person you have the ability to take advantage of the weekends to catch up on your Z's.  Married couples (especially those with children) don't usually have this luxury!  There are no 3 year olds crying mommy or daddy at 3am or even 7am.  So use this time of singlehood to get those healthy 8 hours that may be a thing of the past in the future.  Sleep makes us healthier, wealthier and wiser.  (OK, well at least healthier.)

 

2. No strings attached! Another benefit to being single is that other than a job or school and sporadic family obligations as a single person we have the ability to pick up and go pretty much where we want to go.  Do you want to take a trip to Florida or maybe even Rome? (I am going to both this year!)  Then if you have the money, why not?  Do you want to go walk around a museum or spend the afternoon reading at your favorite bookstore?  As a single person you really don't answer to anyone, nor is anyone depending on you to have dinner waiting when they get home, nor do you have to work around someone else's schedule so why waste this time?  Use it to do all those things you love to do!

 

3. Kick up your feet!  Sometimes when I get home from work, I quickly trade my work clothes for a more comfy replacement, make a sandwich or a cup of soup, and then I cuddle up in my big comfy chair with my favorite sitcom.  I can choose to answer the phone if I want and although it's likely that my clothes are still on the bedroom floor and there are dishes in the sink, that's all OK because it's only going to bother me, no one else.  No one claims that they don't like dinner and no one asks me to get up to do anything.  I also enjoy reading in bed in the morning or catching a few movies on a Sunday. 

 

4. Prove yourself!  One of the things I am most grateful to my time of singleness for is that I have learned to stand on my own two feet.  What I mean is this:  in my 7 years of living on my own I have learned how to reset a fuse, kill a spider, unclog a drain, cook, bake, take care of myself when sick with both a cold and the flu, argue with the cable company, go out to eat by myself, iron, put an anchor into the wall to hang heavy pictures, wax the floor, shovel the snow, and clean the carpet.  This is just a smattering of the skills I've learned, but I've also learned how to be alone, how to trust my instincts, and stretch myself beyond my own skill.  I have met some people in this world that only know how to function as an "us" and in someways have lost the "me" along the way.  I can't wait for the day that I meet my husband, but I am glad to know that I can take on this world as a single woman if I have to.

 

This is probably not the only benefits to being single, and I am sure all of my married friends can come back with a list of benefits to being married, that I would undoubtedly have to agree with them.  Being single isn't all sun and roses, but it also isn't all doomsday either.  When I changed my mindset I realized that while I wait for Mr. Right to come to be, I am much more happy focusing on all the great things about right now and not all the missing parts.  My first post of this blog 6 months ago promised that I was going to take advantage of being single and reflect on my life as a single person.  I am amazed at the changes in my life with this little change of my mindset and new adventures in store. 

 

I guess you can say I now see life in more of a "the glass is half-full" light. How about you?  Is your glass half full or half empty?

Just Dance



When I first began writing this blog I had decided that this was the year I was going to take chances, get out there, and try new things!  Well, trying to stay true to my word I have found a new love. A young adult group I belong to is hosting a formal dance in a few weeks.  In preparation for this event, they have been having dance lessons once a month!  Each month there is a new dance to learn.  So far we've covered the waltz, salsa, and swing dancing!  It is so much fun!!!  A bunch of mostly amateurs gather each month and we learn the basic steps to these dances.  We laugh, step on each other's toes, and have an absolute blast! 

I love these dance lessons for many reasons.  First, it's great exercise and breaks up the routine of working out.  Each time I end up feeling a little sweaty and out of breath (especially with the swing)  Secondly, it's something different to do that doesn't involve the bar (although we usually end up there afterwards) or a movie.  It's active, it's fun, and it something different.  Thirdly, it's free!  I love finding great things to do that don't cost me a million bucks!  Lastly, it's a great way to meet people.  The lessons run much like the old "snowball" dances at school.  We switch partners frequently allowing us to meet many different people.  It's a little uncomfortable from time to time, but usually after a few steps we get in a groove and end up having a great time!

I am so thankful that the young adult group offered these dances cause had they not I would've never realized how much I love formal dances.  I get to add this to my list of things I just love to do!  I might not be the next Ginger Rogers, but I will be a little bit happier and skilled come February when we get to put all of our dance skills to test at the dance. 

My challenge to all of my dear readers tonight is to get out there and try something different, something you've always wanted to do, but never took the time to do.  The first time I was going to the lessons I was nervous and unsure of myself, but I have reaped the benefits of taking a risk on this!  This time of year so many communities are starting their adult enrichment classes.  Maybe it's time you got out there!

Break a leg! :)



Was Chivalry Killed?

This past week I made a flippant post on my Facebook wall about an unnerving experience I had had that morning.  So let's start there....On the way to school early one frigid morning my low tire pressure light came on.  Now luck would have it that that morning I had worn a dress to school,  but I couldn't risk a flat tire either, so I pulled over to put air into my tires, pantyhose and all. (Without any knowledge of how to use a tire guage, I might add.)  As I was kneeling down at each tire, I happened to notice the men pumping gas looking on.  (and that annoyed me!)  Couldn't someone, anyone, offer to fill my tires for me?? 

Well, my post on Facebook caused a few conversations.  One email came in from a male friend of mine explaining that he and others he knows have been told off because they offered help to a woman who felt insulted by their acts of chivalry.  And when I read his email, I knew he had a point.  Now maybe these men just didn't care, or maybe they were in a hurry, but maybe they were afraid I would be insulted by their offer?  I think he is right though that many men are afraid to offer a hand to help because of the reaction they may get from the woman. 

I wondered how we women got to the point where men are a threat?  Now don't get me wrong, I am not so old fashioned that I think a woman's role in this world is to be barefoot, ignorant, and pregnant in the kitchen waiting hand and foot on her husband and children.  I am glad that women have educated themselves and have made many advancements in the world.  I believe as a woman I need to be able to react and respond without the help of a man, but also realize that it doesn't make me weak or a disappointment to my gender if I ask a man for help.  I believe women should be educated and independent, but also accepting the fact that women are not men, and that's ok.  In fact, that's wonderful!

Somewhere amidst the feminist movement women around the world have decided that women were weak and the lesser sex and we needed to take back the power.  But I am here to argue that maybe we've given up some of the power.  God knew what He was doing when He gave Adam a beautiful wife to make things complete and right in the world.   He made women different from men, with different qualities such as the ability to nurture and console, but different is not less.

And men, you aren't totally off the hook here in my opinion! ;)  Many of us women like to have the door held for us, we like it when you offer to help carry a heavy package, and offer to cover the bill from time to time.  We love when you hold our hands and tell us we're pretty.  So don't be afraid to be the man! 

This may be a lot of thoughts for one little tire mishap, but I thought the topic was interesting.  I am sure there are many opinions out there that oppose my more traditional take things, but I thought it was still worth sharing and reflecting on.  I think God made both men and women to be beautiful sexes.  Both have wonderful qualities and special gender roles.  I think we need to see those different roles as just that...different and complimentary to one another, not one greater or worse.

Sharing My Story

Today, I received an intriguing email from the Youth Minister at my school.  She emailed me to ask if I would be interested in speaking at their next week's meeting which is a panel speaking on vocations.  They had realized last minute that they wanted to include a single person in their panel.  (Ahh, the forgotten singles once again....)  ;)  Well, I have to be honest, my first reaction was to laugh!  God has a perfect sense of time.  I replied that I would of course do it, but I shared the perfect timing since I have just recently accepted the fact that for now God has called me to be single.  I am excited though to share a little bit of my story and help shed a little light on the joys of being single (that took me 31 years to realize).  I am really hoping to touch someone that night and be inspired by the teens I come into contact with.

For years in my prayer time I heard the Lord has been saying to me, "Be happy in the now."  and for years I kept saying, "How Lord? How can I be happy when all I want is to be married?  Show me, Lord."  And like always, He has been faithful to that and showing me just how to be happy in the now.  There is a joy in my soul that has never been before.  I have my hopes of marriage, but I have peace for now.  I think that's what I hope to give the teens I encounter.  Fulfillment doesn't come necessarily with a ring on your finger or a collar or habit, rather it comes with accepting God's plan for the now with hope that He has your best interests at heart and He will show you what vocation path He is leading you on.  Hopefully they will win a little quicker than I did!


Wish me luck! Check in next week to see how it goes! :)