A Class Act

As I have shared with many of you personally and also in this blog, I am on a personal quest to fully live out my life each day as a single woman.  This summer I have spent much time reading some books about being a chaste single woman and, in fact, celebrating it.  All of the books echoed my thoughts of getting out there and doing something.  And so I thought, "I am going to take a class" and began searching the local adult enrichment courses to see just what I should take.  There was a variety of classes that I could take....gardening (don't have a yard), hula hooping for exercise (haven't ever been able to get that hoop to work), palm reading (no thank you, the only spirit I wish to discuss with is the Holy Spirit), water aerobics (not sure how I feel about being in a bathing suit in the winter), ball room dancing (oops, need a partner for that) and so on and so on... There were some classes that caught by attention, taking a second language or a writing class, but none of them really felt right.

 

Then, today, I was reminded of an email I had gotten about an Intro to Theology course that was being offered through the seminary at local parishes.  A good friend had also recommended that I look into it as I had expressed interest in possibly beginning to take classes at the seminary.  (One of my desires and goals is to get further into ministry and possibly beginning to speak and share at retreats and conferences, but I realize that I am missing some of the necessary theology needed to do so.  Yes, I have grown greatly in my love of the church and understanding of our faith, but there certainly is much left to be desired when it comes to theology.)  And so I did it! (encouraged by the fact that because I work in a Catholic school I get some necessary tuition assistance and the priest teaching the course just happens to be excellent)  I applied today and set up an appointment to meet with an admissions counselor in the upcoming week.  Soon, I will finally be able to finally understand some of my friends when they talk using those Latin terms and throw out facts about this or that Council.  (Look out folks!)

I am excited about this opportunity to do something different, to learn, and to meet some new people.  I like that I am taking this class because I want to, not because I need it to keep my teacher certification current, or I need another degree, but rather it's an opportunity for me to study and learn about a topic that greatly interests me.  And being a single woman, I am lucky to have this time to take this class for no other reason than it interests me.

And who knows, maybe a nice, single, Catholic guy just may decide to take this course too?  ;)

The Dating Game

"I want a man who is kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?"


~ Zsa Zsa Gabor
 
A friend of mine recently went on a date and on the way there called me to ask advice. (I laughed that she was calling me for dating advice....)  So we laughed that we both just don't know how to date.  Dating is full of pressures.  Do you flirt?  Do you not? Do you pay or will that offend the guy? Do you meet there or have him pick you up?  How much information do you share?  Is playing hard to get really smart? And if the date went good....when is it acceptable to call next?
 
And so today, just for fun, I would love to hear all of your funny stories about dates you went on or lessons learned.
 
Happy Friday everyone and Happy Dating! :)
 

This One's for the Girls

"The gift of friendship among women is a treasure not to be taken lightly. Women become the face of God to one another- the face of grace, of delight, of mercy." (Captivating by Stasi and John Elderedge)

Regardless of your state in life; married, single, religious- if you are a woman you understand the value of your girlfriends.  There is something special about the relationships between women.  It starts as young girls with those silly little "best friend" necklaces that are two separate pieces but once put together create a heart or flower or some symbol of love and care.  In junior high and high school we begin sharing clothes, crushes, and insecurities with one another.  And as adult women we continue to pursue the friendships of the other women in our lives. 

I have a group of friends whom I have been friends with since junior high.  Two of us are single and the other two are married with two kids each.  As you can imagine our lives are hectic and have taken all four of us down different paths, but about once a month we get together, just the girls for breakfast at a local greasy spoon.  For about 2 hours the four of us just sit and talk.  We share what's going on in our lives and what's new and exciting (and what's not so exciting...)  We often laugh that regardless of how old we get there is a part of us that when we get together we immediately reverse to our teenage years again.  We tend to gossip, giggle, and let out the occasional swear word as we catch up with the latest...and boy, do we laugh.  Yes, some of the content has changed; stories about children, husbands, work, bad dates, no dates, bills, and much more comes up, but the magic is the time we get to spend with one another.  And for me, that time is priceless. After about 20 cups of coffee, consuming the breakfast special, and getting looks from the wait staff as they prepare to begin serving lunch we realize it's time for us to once again go our separate ways, but when we leave we are rejuvenated and joy filled having spent those few precious hours together.

And it seems to me that's how it is for women.  We need other women in our lives.  Ask any married woman and she will more than likely tell you that although she is happily married, she needs her female companions as well.  I once foolishly mentioned to some of my guy friends who belong to a strong Men's Fellowship group that I was jealous that they had such a great group that gathered faithfully.  The leader of that group reminded me that men have to have fellowship groups because it's not something that comes naturally to them.  Women on the other hand have fellowship all the time.  As women, we naturally pick up the phone or meet for coffee when things stink at the job, when children are misbehaving, when our hair starts falling out or turning grey.  We naturally reach out to each other with advice, love, concern, and sympathy.  And that makes me proud to be a woman.  But more than that, I am thankful that in those seasons of my life when I am feeling especially lonely or misunderstood, I know that my shoulder to cry on is just a phone call away.  And when life is going really great, I know I only have to pick up the phone to hear my favorite "cheerleader" squeal with delight and excitement for me.   That is the beauty of being a women...the other great women who surround you.

Somewhere Out There...

When I was a child one of my favorite movies was the classic "An American Tail" with little Fievel the mouse.  The song, "Somewhere Out There" was my favorite and I would sing that song all the time.  Tonight as I was driving home from seeing a movie with my neice, Morgan, I saw a sight similar to the photo posted here that I had taken a few weeks ago.  Whenever I see the sun shining through the clouds like that it always makes me think immediately it's a sign from God reminding me that He is up there and He's got everything under control.  I whispered a quiet thank you to the Lord and quietly began thinking about that song Fievel sang in my childhood memory.  You see, I think we sometimes long for the reminder that someone is out there and trust that just like Fievel that person is thinking about us.  In some ways, I think we are longing to be rescued just as he was.  No, we aren't lost in NYC with a string of cool cats as Fievel was, but many of us our "lost" in our own lives and we needs those beacons of hope to shine through to guide us back to the safety of the arms of those we love.  I love that God knows right when we need those little signs in our lives and uses His great creation to remind us that He's still out there and still reigns, and He is just waiting to "rescue" us when we get lost...just like Fievel.

And just for fun, you can sing the song with Fievel if you want by clicking here.  ;)

Proverbs 31

Proverbs 31:11-31

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.  She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.  She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.  In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.  When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.  She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.  She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.  Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:  "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Many of us have women in our lives who are examples of the Wife of noble character.  My mother, friends, and many others I have seen on TV or read about in the newspaper show these characteristics.  I am thankful for the example they have all given to me.  Tonight though, I write you about a special woman of noble character.  Last night at 9:30 pm I was at a friend's house finishing up a BBQ with some conversation in the living room when I received a call that my friend Diana (St. Diana as her husband Bill called her) had lost her battle with cancer and was now one with the other saints in heaven.  I have known Diana for the past 8 years, shortly after I began my teaching career, but for the last 5 years she has been my spiritual director, and even more than that she has been my dear, dear friend.  Although we differ by about 30 years in age, Diana and I instantly had a bond that ran deep.  She was a mentor to me, a shoulder to cry on, an example to learn from, and much, much more.  Her husband, Bill, and her took me under their wings as if I was one of their own.   We loved to gather for dinner and over a glass of wine and a delicious meal prepared by Diana to discuss the latest politics or happenings in both of our lives.  They listened to me whine about work or give updates on my family and friends, and they would often share their travel plans and gush about their kids or grand kids.  You see, when I say spiritual direction, it was so much more.  I often came over right from work and Diana insisted on feeding me, giving me a drink, and then always had a dessert and cup of coffee for our actual discussions.  And that is just how Diana was.  It was never enough to just stop by or talk, she was a great nurturer and caretaker.  I watched her dote on her husband, children, and grandchildren on several occasions.  She rarely sat and was always ready to meet the needs of those she loved with a smile on her face. 

When we would finally begin to talk about my life as a christian and her as a mentor, she always spoke with such wisdom.  She would question me, encourage me, challenge me, and guide me.  When I left her home each time I knew I had been instructed by God through my friend.  She was open to His Spirit and His knowledge flowed from her. 

And so tonight it is a sad night for me as I think about saying good bye to my friend and confidant, but there is a small bit of consolation knowing that she has joined the heavenly ranks to pray for and intercede for all of us as we finish our journeys here on this earth.  I am encouraged by the example she left for me, that I, too, may one day be a wife of noble character to all those I come into contact with.  Diana will be forever in my heart and has left a permanent mark on my life. 

Captivating

"You are the one that overwhelms His heart with just "one glance of your eye" (Song 4:9b). You are the one He sings over with delight and longs to dance with across the mountaintops and ballroom floors (Zeph. 3:17). You are the one who takes His breath away by your beautiful heart that, against all odds, hopes in Him. Let that be true for a moment. Let it be true of you.


God want to live this life together with you, to share in your days and decisions, your desires and disappointments. He wants intimacy with you in the midst of the madness and mundane, the meetings and the memos, the laundry and lists, the carpools and conversations and projects and pain. He wants to pour His love into your heart and he longs to have you pour yours into His. He wants your deep heart, the center place within that is the truest you. He is not interested in intimacy with the woman you think you are supposed to be. He wants intimacy with the real you." (John and Stasi Eldredge, "Captivating" p. 120/121)


On the recommendation of a good friend, I have recently began reading the book Captivating, Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul. The book written by the husband and wife team of John and Stasti Eldredge is the counterpart to the book Wild at Heart, a book written for men to discover the secrets of a man's soul. (As the title explains) Today, in my morning prayer time I was reading the chapter on being romanced. If you are a woman, it is no secret to you that we all have this innate desire to be romanced and wooed. Married, single, dating, whatever your state in life is currently most woman desire to be desired and shown affection and intimacy. As a single woman, I think we often think if we could just land a date then we could feel this intimacy that we are longing for, but as I read the chapter I realized that we can achieve this intimacy by seeking out God and truly worshipping Him. As the Bible reminds us so many times, the Lord longs to romance us. He longs to touch our hearts in a deep and personal way. (Just read the Song of Songs to see how He woos each and everyone of us as the Bride of Christ.)

The quote posted above also reminded me that God doesn't want to romance us after we lose 10 lbs or once we get our prayer life in order, instead He wants to love us right now where we are. He wants to love us in the mundane parts of each of our lives. He wants to love us when our make up is a mess and our prayer life too. He wants to love us when there is unending laundry in the basement and piles of work at our desks. The Lord desires to love us through and in our imperfections. I think sometimes we are afraid to let the Lord in because we are still working on clearing out the cobwebs and the mess that sometimes lies within our hearts. Maybe there are still barricades on certain areas of our heart or perhaps the guilt of the past makes us feel unworthy of being wooed by the Greatest Lover of all time. And as we women work to clean up the mess, the Lord is standing outside the door of our hearts knocking, with his mop and bucket in hand ready and willing to come in and do the "cleaning up" for us. And if we finally stop long enough to open that door to let the Lord in, He doesn't come in and shake his head at the mess, nor does He judge, but rather He takes our hand and gets to work cleaning up. (And believe it or not, He does a much better job than we do.)

And so that is my prayer for all of you today, and myself included, that today we would open our hearts to the Lord today and allow Him to come in and romance us. That we would let Him come into even the messiest chambers of our hearts and allow Him to clean them up so that the two of you (us) can achieve that intimacy that both He and you desire.

Simple Joys

picture by djcodrin

On my front porch sits a single pot of Gerber daisies.  I don't use my front porch often, but each and every time I go out there to get the mail or sit with a friend I love to look at the precious flowers.  There is something about these flowers that always bring a smile to my face.  The same is true with a cup of coffee.  I love to sip on a warm mug of Joe at home each morning and many evenings.  But there is an even greater joy for me to share a good cup of coffee (for me that is just a basic cup of coffee...not too strong...with a splash of cream...none of that "foofy" stuff) with a good friend with some good conversation.  You see, I am realizing that it does take a lot of bells and whistles to find a little joy out there in the world.  It's the little things; hearing your favorite song on the radio, reading a good book, playing a game of cornhole with friends and family, a simple flower or a good cup of coffee.  Little opportunities of joy are everywhere!

Yesterday, I was struck by the familiar Bible verse "I came that you might have life, and have it abundantly." John 10:10  The verse stayed with me all day.  I began to recognize that the Lord wants me to live life abundantly and He came so that I could do so.  He didn't want me sitting around feeling sorry for myself or wallowing in my sorrows, instead He wants me (and you) to life each day to it's fullest.  Now that doesn't mean each day is going to go perfectly, but it does mean that we can handle each day, each situation with the attitude that each and every day is a gift from God. We can choose to see the silver lining in the clouds or we can choose to see the storm. 

So today, I am going to stop focusing on the fact that it's 90 with 100% humidity and be thankful (amidst my sweat) that I am off of work today and have a whole slew of opportunities to live today to it's fullest.

No Strings Attached

For the first 31 years of my life I have lived a pretty predictable life.  I grew up in Dearborn, MI (Ford Country), graduated high school, and went on to college to be come the elementary school teacher I have always dreamed of. (Since then I have graduated into teaching middle school....graduated or have been banished, depends on the day.) I have a simple town home that I rent and drive a lease car.  And my life has had it's share of ups and downs, no different from anyone else, but for the most part I have had a good life.  But recently I have began to wonder...is this all there is?  Is there something else, something more out there? I have lived in Michigan my entire life and wonder what it would be like to pack up my stuff into a Uhaul and head on down I-75 or west on I-94 until I end up in a new town full of new adventures.  I have always said I would be one of those people that forever lived in the Detroit area and could be fine with that, but lately I am beginning to wonder?.  Maybe I would like to live in Carmel, Indiana (a town I recently visited and loved) or maybe Charlotte, NC is the place for me.  I hear it's one of the coolest "little, Big cities" to visit.  I don't think New York City or Chicago are quite my style, but  perhaps there is a new world out there in Georgia waiting for me.  You see the benefit of being single (and being a teacher) is that you can really move anywhere you want to go.  Teachers aren't going away anytime soon and being a single woman means I don't have to worry about a spouse not wanting to leave or uprooting my kids from their schools and friends.  And so I am going to really think and pray about this.  Is it time for me to become a gypsy and see other parts of the country?  I don't know....but it sure sounds fun!!  I think I'll hold off on the Uhaul for now, but I think it's time to start praying about these desires and see where it is the Good Lord wants to take me....How about you? Does God have a new adventure waiting for you?

PS. I would love to hear your recommendations for great cities you've been to!  Especially those with a strong Catholic community! :)

A Room Full of Strangers

Although I have shared that I have a new found appreciation for being single (and I do...) there are still some things I hate (a strong word, I know) about being single.  One of them I experienced tonight.  Tonight I went to pay my respects to a friend whose father had passed away.  After sitting in the parking lot for 20 minutes at the funeral home waiting for any familiar face to show up, I decided that it was time for me to stop sweating in the car, put my big girl pants on, and walk in....alone.  But truth be told, I HATE THAT!  There are times when even an extrovert like myself just hates being alone.  And walking into a room of people in which you know very few people can be so intimidating. Paying your respects is never easy, but it seems to me, it would be so much easier to walk into a room where you know very few people if you had someone to walk in with.  Then, despite the fact that you don't know many of the people at least the person you walked in with could talk to you.  So I walked in, paid my respects, talked briefly with my friend, then did what any self respecting single woman would do....I went and hid out in the bathroom for a little bit and waited for the rest of my friends to show up! This reminded me of when I was in a new high school and had no friends and I would go to the bathroom to hide in the stall each morning because the bus dropped me off so early.  (That was a low part of my life....thankfully my parents moved me back to the public school with my friends shortly there after.)  Anyways, after retreating from the bathroom my friends all gradually began to show up and all was well.  We prayed the Rosary to honor our friend's father, shared a few laughs (most of them at my expense) and ended the night.  All is right in the world once again....that is until the next time the inevitable happens and I find myself once again walking into a room full of strangers.  Let's just hope there is an available bathroom nearby....;)

Hey Jealousy....

This past Saturday morning, I made my married friends jealous!  Imagine that?  Here, we singletons (as Bridget Jones would name us) are always jealous of our married counterparts, and there actually are things about my life that makes them jealous!

As I shared in my previous post, I have rekindled my love for reading.  So when I woke up early on a Saturday morning I couldn't really fall back asleep, but I wasn't interested in getting up just yet either....so I picked up the current novel I was reading  ("A Thousand Tomorrows" by Karen Kingsbury) and started to read.  Two hours later I had finished the book, had a good cry with the characters, and was ready to finally leave the comfort of my bed.

I went downstairs to make my morning cup of Joe and fired up the computer.  I reflected in my Facebook status just how lovely it was to spend the morning reading in bed and went on with my daily rituals in the cyber world.  Shortly after, I went back to Facebook to read the comments on my status.  I laughed when 2 of my girlfriends with small children commented that they were jealous of me.  YOU are jealous of ME?  These two women are two of the best mom's out there (behind my own mother of course) and although they love their husbands and children dearly, they would love to get caught up in a novel for a few hours on a Saturday morning. 

And that got me to thinking...no vocation is perfect.  There is truth in the statement, "The grass is always greener on the other side."  And if that is true, there must be benefits to being single.  Not only can I read in bed on a Saturday morning uninterrupted, but I can also choose what channels I want to watch on the TV, and I can go lolly-gag through Target without worrying if I need to get home and get dinner on the table.  So I've decided (as said before) to change my mindset.  Instead of living my current single life like the Josh Turner song, "If you're going through hell, keep on going....." and instead to stop and smell the roses in this world of singledom.  And you know what?  The result is much sweeter than the bitter taste I've had in my mouth for the last few years.

So get out there everyone and smell the roses today....wherever you are, whatever you are doing...experience the joy of today! :)

There MUST be Something Wrong with Me!

"I must learn to love the fool in me, the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries."



- Theodore Isaac Rubin

When I was a little girl, as with most little girls, I dreamed of being married and having kids.  There were many Barbie and Ken weddings held in my room and lots of games of M.A.S.H. played to determine just what my future would be?  Would I live in a mansion? a shack?  Just how many kids would I have?  What color would my bride's maid's dresses be?  As I grew older, my dreams became more realistic and the timeline followed.  By 25 (at the latest) I would be married and by 30 I would have my 2 (maybe 3) kids. 

Now....flash forward to the year 2010 and you will find me at the age of 31and single.  What had happened to my timeline?  Why am I still single? (very single it seems....) Everyone around me is having weddings and kids and here I sit.  I know..."There MUST be something wrong with me."  (Come on all you single ladies...and perhaps men...you know you've said that to a trusty confidant at least a time or two and have thought it at least a few dozen times privately)  Am I weird? annoying? unattractive? too extroverted? too introverted? a stalker?  WHAT?  I have spent many hours (ok...days) of my life asking these questions, wondering what it is that leaves me alone and single.  Being a woman of faith, I have prayed to God (sometimes crying and a time or two yelling) with this question.  I even seriously considered and discerned a call to the religious life as a sister, figuring that if I am not dating a man then maybe it's God way of showing me that I am being called to the religious life. (My non-catholic parents were very concerned for awhile that they may lose me to the convent)  BUT much to my parents relief (ok, mine too...) I have discerned, with the help of my spiritual director,  that I am not called to spend my life in the convent. Although it is a beautiful calling and I am honored to have met some of the most beautiful sisters in our country, I feel that God has chosen for me to be single (for now) with the hopes of marriage living on in my heart.

So, where do I go from here?  Well, I'd like to tell you as a woman of faith that I accepted that for God's will for my life and I have waited patiently for my prince to come into my life, but for all those who know me know that patience, although a virtue, is not my strong point.  I have spent many days whining, crying, pouting, depressed wondering why I have drawn the short stick?  Why am I stuck in "singlehood hell?"  I really struggled with this for most of my adult life.  Most of my friends are now married and on their 2nd kid and here I was without even the hope of a date in my near future.  I didn't understand it.  Every wedding, baby shower, or first Communion I would go to I would put my game face on and smile for everyone, but inside I was admittedly bitter.  Why them? Not me?

For years in my prayer life God has been saying to me that I need to be happy NOW.  Find the joy in my life now.  My response to Him was always, Lord how do you want me to be happy when all I really want is a husband.  And in effect, I was choosing to not be happy.  I was saying that I couldn't possibly be truly happy unless I had a man at my side.  And for years (pathetic, I know...) I have put my life on hold in so many ways waiting around for Mr. Right (or even Mr. Right-now)

BUT, just recently my mind frame changed.  From a combination of reading a book called "The Thrill of the Chaste" by Dawn Eden, talking to my spiritual director, and prayer I realized that I can be happy NOW.  For some reason, God wants me to be single for now, but that doesn't mean my life has to be destitute.  I realized it was time to get off my dupa and start living again.  Stop waiting for life (and by that I mean a date) to come and get me and rather get out there and start doing those things I love again.  Believe it or not I am still learning what it is that I really enjoy.   Yes, I have lots of friends, and Yes, I am never home, but I realized I was filling my life with many obligations and it was time for me to take a look at my life and reintroduce a little fun into it!  Part of that entailed looking at myself for who am I and loving myself for me. 
I have re-realized that I love to read.  And although I have bought a plethora of inspirational reading, many that are good, but most of which sit on a shelf collecting dust, I really enjoy a good novel.  Christian suspense novels are my favorites (authors like Dee Henderson and Terri Blackstock) and I love going to the library.  I also am looking to start bowling in the fall or starting a Euchre club with friends.  Another thing I realized is that I love to travel and see different places in the world.  So this summer I took a trip to Indiana to attend a conference by a local Frassati Society (a group for Young Adult Catholics) by myself!  I also will be traveling with my parents to Wisconsin in a few weeks and hope to see Lake Superior for the first time completing my tour of the Great Lakes.  I am getting out there once again...and you know what?  I am happy.  :)

And so it begins...I have decided to keep this blog for the next year and focus on living the single life abundantly!  I hope you enjoy reading and would love any feedback you may have! :)